True Evil of a Twisted Mind
by MrsChipRockefeller
Summary: A year after Aaron's disappeared the BAU encounter one of their most twisted cases to date and receive a large twist and shock on the case
1. Author's Note

I know I don't usually start a story with an author's note but I feel like this one needs it. I must assure everyone that even though this UnSub is particularly sick and twisted everyone will be returned to normal by the end of this story. I know it will be a big shocker but everything will be returned to how it should be even though there may be a few after effects but the main thing will be they will be returned physically to how they were before.

I believe I may just have made the sickest, most twisted, most psychotic and controversial UnSub to date but nothing that he does reflects my beliefs or personality. I agree with everyone else this is one sick puppy that the BAU are dealing with and he will receive the ending he deserves.

This all came to me in a nightmare and sometimes those things are bigger than we can handle but there will be a happy ending for my two main characters who though they may have suffered will be returned to normal. I must confess even though I like how this is shaping out I'm also petrified how it will be recieved.


	2. Anna

**Anna**

It had been a year. A whole year since Aaron had gone missing. The last they'd ever seen him was at that bar when they were celebrating JJ coming back to the team and the birth of Michael. He'd stepped out briefly but that was all it had taken for him to be able to disappear. All he'd done was go to answer a call from Jessica.

Spencer had gone out shortly after as he'd noticed he'd been taking a while. He remembered at the time being worried something was wrong with Jack. When he'd got out there any worries about the young Hotchner had left his head as he saw his boss' and friend's phone smashed on the floor like it had been dropped in a struggle. He'd known instantly Hotch was no longer near the bar.

He'd immediately set up the red alert but it had all been for naught. They'd tried everything to find him but it had all come to dead ends. There had been no cameras at the bar which had caused them to complain but no matter of complaining could change the fact that they had no footage of who could have gone after him at the bar. There had also been no footage found of the street either. They'd also tried to look into whoever could have taken him but the list was endless.

They'd tried to follow each lead even when they'd been told to close the case six months ago but nothing had come up yet. Begrudgingly they'd officially closed the case of their missing boss and friend six months ago after being pressurised to do so by the higher ups but secretly they looked into any leads that came up. They never gave up the hope they'd find him one day and they'd find him alive. They just feared who had him and what they could be doing to him if he was indeed still alive. Would he even be recognisable when they found him?

They'd been called onto a new case this morning that made them all feel a little queasy. Some sick, twisted individual had been kidnapping alpha males and operating sex changes on them before they took their own lives and he dumped them in public places around the capital. They were sure they were dealing with a psychotic doctor but what was his end game? What was the purpose of the surgery? Was it just to torture them or more?

Spencer had a bad feeling about this one but he wasn't going to let on. Who'd believe him about his dream anyway? He was all about logic. He wasn't usually one to give into dreams but this time he was troubled by it. The last time he'd been troubled by a dream it had turned into a cold case. Could this dream turn out to be a cold case too and this time Hotch was the main object of his dream? He couldn't forget the words he'd said to him and was trying to work out what they meant. 'Anna's not all she seems, Dr Norwood'. Who was Anna and who was Dr Norwood? He had a feeling who Anna was but it was unthinkable.

Suddenly Garcia came rushing in with a name. They'd sent her off to find any doctors that had been associated with transgender patients that had been struck off for unsolicited experimental procedures. She seemed a little excited and enthusiastic. Had she got a name? Did they have a break in this case?

"I think I've got the name," she exclaimed while everyone gathered around her. "One Dr Stephen Norwood was struck off last year for trying to implant a uterus into one of his male to female transgender patients without any of the correct paperwork or consent. The patient later died and he was sued for trying to perform it."

As soon as he heard the name Spencer paled like he'd seen a ghost. "What was the name again?" he asked.

"Dr Stephen Norwood," she replied.

"Why, Spence? Have you heard of him?" JJ asked a little hopeful.

"No, I just think I've read his name somewhere," he replied looking down at his feet hoping no-one would catch on. They all nodded though they were sure whatever was bothering him would come up sooner than later. It was clear something was otherwise he wouldn't have gone as white as a ghost as soon as he heard the name.

Rossi headed himself, Morgan and Reid over to the doctor's house to interview their potential suspect. As they had no official evidence they couldn't yet bring him in for questioning but he more than fit their profile. They had to question him or they could be turning over a very potential suspect. He could very well be their UnSub.

When they arrived they were escorted into the office while Norwood smiled at them almost with an evil gleam in his eye. They immediately knew something was up with him but they still didn't have the hands on evidence this was their man. He sat back down in his chair behind his desk smiling back at them, without a care in the world, playing with his hands.

"You said you're from the BAU?" he asked. They nodded. "I hear you lost your Unit Chief a year ago. Ever found him?"

They felt a little shaken that they seemed to know their former boss and friend had gone missing but they decided to log it in the back of their brains. They had to keep to the case right now. Later they could ask where he'd got the information on Aaron. It was clear he was trying to put them on the back foot. They were even more certain than before this was their UnSub.

Rossi was about to begin his line of questioning when they heard the door go and a gasp. They looked back to see a middle aged dark haired heavily pregnant woman there looking a little nervous, frightened and jittery. There was a haunted look in her eyes and she couldn't take her eyes off them. Did she know them from somewhere?

Spencer felt a lump in his throat as he took her appearance in and his heart begun to race. Oh god no it couldn't be! There had only been one person who'd made his heart race like this and he was nowhere to be seen, wasn't he? He took one look at her eyes again and though he tried not to show it his heart tightened and tears began to prick the backs of his eyes.

She recognised them but couldn't remember where or when she'd known them. Did they know who she really was because she couldn't remember? All she could remember was being in this dark, scary place yearning for someone to set her free. She didn't even feel safe here. Who was she? Could they help her?

Spencer felt Dave place his hand on his arm trying to calm the blood boiling through his veins. He looked at him and it was clear to see he'd seen what he'd seen in her. He knew they had to play this cool but what Norwood had done to Aaron was devastating, sick and twisted. He could see though she seemed to recognise them she didn't seem to know why.

When she got close to Dr Norwood the doctor grabbed his arm around her pulling him close to her making her feel even more uncomfortable than she already did. She tried to lift her eyes to the three men but she wasn't able to for long. She had a feeling though that she could trust him or at least the older man and the youngest. She wasn't too sure about the other one. He seemed like he could be a bit of a live wire or a hothead.

That brief moment she looked at them Spencer knew for sure and couldn't help himself any more. "Aaron," he gasped quietly causing the woman to look back up a little alarmed but there was still no hint of recognition to either him or the name. It seemed that the name meant something to her but she had no idea why.

She looked down trying to work out why that name seemed so familiar. Was it one of their names? If so why had that young man called her it. Was it her name? Had she been a man? No, that couldn't be true! As evil as Dr Norwood was he couldn't have forced her to undergo a sex change, could he? He kept telling her he was trying to help her have a baby and that she hadn't been able to before.

Suddenly she felt the doctor wrap his arm around her waist and pull her roughly close to him. "She's my greatest creation, Anna," he smiled slimily at them then back up at her. "She was a little spirited when I first got her but I broke her. Now she's pregnant with my baby," he added stroking her pregnancy bump possessively.

Spencer tried to keep his emotions even in more check. Spirited; she was probably livid! He'd turned her into a woman without her permission. There was no way Aaron Hotchner would have willingly agreed to undergo a sex change. Apart from Morgan he'd been the biggest alpha male Spencer had ever known. As much as he hated to he could imagine that Dr Norwood had done this to Aaron while he was out cold and when he'd woken up he'd wanted to commit suicide. The baby was probably the only reason she was still alive. Though his mind had probably flown out of the window when he'd discovered he was now a pregnant woman Aaron's nurturing and protective instincts had probably kicked in to protect this new life growing inside of his new body.

He vowed he'd help and protect Anna until she was the man she used to be and even then carry on. He'd help her as she underwent a sex change reversal and was restored physically to the way she had been if that's what she wished. He'd never push her but he'd support her in whatever she chose to do once they saved her. He'd even help her raise the baby if she let him. He knew that there was the option of sex reversal surgery if she so wished.

"Isn't she beautiful?" the doctor added lifting her chin with his hand showing her off like she was a piece of meat. She tried to struggle away from him but her grip held her there tight. Seeing the fire in all three sets of eyes he smiled inwardly.

Mission accomplished he thought. He was incredibly proud that his experiment was working on the leader of the supposed team of some of the greatest minds in the country. The others had just been failures but his Anna was his greatest creation as was their baby in her stomach. When it came out he'd be the toast of the medical world and the other plastic surgeons would come to him asking how he'd done it.

"Anna see them out," he added tiring of them. He'd had his moment to gloat and he was growing tired of it now. He wasn't going to give them anything to incriminate him he thought as he placed his hand on his notes of the changes he'd made and noticed in his beautiful creation. He wasn't going to be denied his moment of glory as he introduced the world to Anna and his baby.

She looked down vulnerably but did as he said dreading the moment they would be alone together but terrified of what he'd do if she disobeyed. For these brief moments she'd actually felt the safest she'd ever felt before despite his usual rough handling of her. She'd actually begun to hope that maybe someone out there cared about her. She knew for a fact that her captor didn't. All he cared for was his notes that he took when he monitored and examined her each morning.

She led them out longing she could go with them but she was scared what he'd do if she ran away. She couldn't let anything happen to the baby; she'd been her lifeline since she'd been created. She was all she lived for and only now had she started to believe maybe they might both get freedom one day. She felt though that she had a tie tugging her somewhere other than her baby. When she closed her eyes at night she'd see a boy asking dad where are you. She'd cry herself to sleep telling him I'm here buddy but she couldn't remember who he was. Who was he? Was he her son?

She opened the door and they walked out sadly hoping there was more they could do for her but without a proper warrant there was no way they could safely get her out just yet. They were determined to get it though. No way would they let her stay with this psycho. They just wished they could take her now but there was no safe way of doing so without alerting him they knew what he'd done or worsening her situation. They also wished they could smash his face in but for now they had to remain calm no matter how incredibly difficult it was considering the horrific torture he'd caused Aaron to go under. They knew for certain they'd never let him get away with it.

"Help me," she answered vulnerably with tears in her eyes as she gripped tight onto the door. She felt they were the only people that could help her out of this nightmare. She trusted them explicitly though she wasn't quite sure why.

Rossi placed his hand on her shoulder and lifted her chin gently. "We will, my friend. Trust me will," he replied tenderly. By god, he knew they would! They'd do anything to free his best friend and rectify the damage that Dr Norwood had done to him. He'd even pay for the sex change reversal and keep everything secret but at the end of the day it was up to her. At the end of the day after everything he'd done the decision had to be hers.


	3. Gun

**Gun**

She closed the door trying to keep the tears inside. She knew he'd just promised to help her but when would she ever see them again? She only felt safe with them but why were they so important to her? For so long she'd just been relying on her survival instincts for her and the baby but now she finally felt like there was someone out there who could help. Only they'd just left.

Suddenly she felt an arm around her throat and tried to remain calm though fighting the fear that was crawling inside of her. She knew who it was but that didn't stop the fear. He'd regularly beaten her everywhere but the stomach if she'd stepped out of line or disobeyed him. In the end she'd given in and just done what he'd asked of her mostly for the baby's sake. She wouldn't let anything hurt her baby. Up until now her baby had been her only ally; all she'd had.

"You asked them to help you, didn't you, Anna?" he said gruffly pushing her against the door but being careful of her bump. There was no way he'd hurt this precious baby. He moved her so she was facing him as he got on his knees to worship this goddess he'd created. He lifted up her skirt while she tried to fight against him squeezing her eyes tight knowing full well what he was about to do. Ever since he'd got her pregnant all she'd been to him was a sex toy and an experiment.

This time though this time it was different. She felt the fight she'd long given up return to her. A voice she'd long since forgot came back to her. Come on, you can fight back! You're Aaron Hotchner! Wait what no! Oh god, no! That young agent was right. She was Aaron Hotchner! Oh god, this monster had forced her to become a woman against her will!

Anger coursed through her veins as she remembered that morning. That morning she woke up to find this monster had changed her privates to a woman's. The moment she'd realised he'd mutilated her and forced her to live under another identity. She remembered how he'd denied her suicide attempt by making her pregnant. The baby had been the only thing keeping her going and she wasn't going to let him lay one hand on her baby girl.

"They'll never set you free, Anna..." she heard the doctor say as she fought for him to keep his hands off of her. That's where you're wrong; she thought; they already have. "You'll continue to be the mother of my children. We'll have a whole house full of them."

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Suddenly all she saw was red. He'd mutilated her body, raped her repeatedly as well as sexually assaulted her. He'd basically destroyed her life and stripped her identity. She wouldn't let him get away with it. She couldn't go on living like this. She had to end it. She had to end it tonight. She had to get out of here for herself and the baby and he had to pay. He had to pay for everything he'd done to her.

She had to get him off her. She couldn't let him have his way with her any more. She kneed him in the face and tried to escape a little afraid of how he'd react but she had to get out of this nightmare. She had to get out of here if there was a remote possibility of getting her old life back. If there was any chance of correcting everything he'd done to her and moving on with her life.

"I'll get you for that, you bitch," she heard Dr Norwood snarl but she refused to look back as she ran as fast as she could back to the study. She was too scared to look back. She'd never attacked him in retaliation before. She'd always struggled but never hit back despite he'd deserved it. After waking up from the shock of seeing he'd carved up her genitals and given her new ones she'd been too worried what he'd do next.

Suddenly she remembered the gun in his top drawer. If she could just get to it before he caught her in time she could protect herself. She didn't know if she'd use it but it would sure come in handy. She knew she'd use it if she had to. She wouldn't let him get away with anything further and he'd get what was coming to him over what he'd already done. She tried to run as fast as her pregnancy would carry her while she heard him getting back up.

Thankfully she reached the study and went in front of the desk looking through the drawers while she heard him coming down the corridor. She felt relieved as she felt her fingers curl around the cold hard steel of the doctor's pistol and brought it out of the desk. Old memories came flooding through her memory of how good she used to be with a gun and she suddenly felt a lot stronger and more confident. She looked up and saw the doctor so aimed it at him for protection.

Dr Norwood's eyes opened wide as he took Anna in with his gun. He'd heard all about Aaron Hotchner's skill with a gun and he looked at her alarmed. That was why before he'd managed to break her he'd always made sure she was in restraints. Surely she wouldn't shoot him though.

"Come on, Anna, you wouldn't really shoot me. We're friends; you and I," he tried to reason.

"My name's Aaron Hotchner and I am certainly not your friend," she answered steely narrowing her eyes and placing it on the trigger.

"It was only an experiment."

"You mutilated my body," Anna replied pressing the trigger hearing several shots ring out and the doctor slump to the floor. She soon placed the gun back down and stepped over to her captor praying to God he was now dead. Feeling no pulse she made her escape taking his car keys and ran out to his car.

Before she'd left she'd managed to pick up the notes that documented everything that Dr Norwood had done to her. There was no way she'd let anyone but perhaps Rossi or Reid see this. They were the only two people in the world she trusted to keep this secret she thought as she climbed into the car and began to drive off thanking that her bump wasn't too big for the wheel.

She needed help but she couldn't let any of this come out to anyone. She couldn't let anyone know her real identity apart from those who already knew. She knew she was going to be on edge until her body was restored to being a man but then what about the baby. She couldn't lose the baby. Up until now her daughter had been her only lifeline. She'd grown too attached to be able to cope losing the baby now. Was there a way she could have the baby and become the man she really was again? By god, she hoped so! She couldn't carry on living like this but neither could she lose her child.

She soon arrived at her old workplace though no-one had realised it was her thank god. It helped her get through that she'd found her old credentials in that book of notes but no-one had taken the time to look in her eyes and realise she was actually Aaron Hotchner. They'd just accepted that she was there to inform the BAU she knew where Aaron Hotchner was. Little did they know they were looking at him.

She looked around herself trying to control her breathing and calm her heart rate as she took in her surroundings. She was finally home but thanks to the damn doctor nobody recognised her. As soon as she entered the bullpen and saw her team hard at work everything suddenly turned black, but not before she and Reid managed to catch eyes, and she hit the floor with a thud.


	4. Hospital

**Hospital**

He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw her in the entrance of the bullpen but his heart tightened as he saw her collapse to the floor. He heard the others on his tail as he shouted her name or at least the name the doctor had given her. There was no way he could let the whole building know who she really was.

As soon as he got to her he picked up her head trying to help her get her breath back then was pushed out of the way by Rossi. He was silently thankful as he took Anna's hand and tried to encourage her to open her eyes again keeping the tears out of his voice. He was still in shock at what the doctor had done to her but he couldn't lose her. It would kill him.

"Anna," he said gently. "Please open your eyes. I'm so proud of you for freeing yourself and escaping. I can't lose you again now that we've found you. Come on and let me see your beautiful brown eyes again."

Rossi looked at the young agent tenderly with concern for the both of them. He'd known for over a year now their feelings for each other though he knew they hadn't yet confessed them to each other. He just hoped they'd confess it soon as soon as this nightmare was over or even sooner. He just needed to help make sure this nightmare ended soon.

Finally Anna opened her eyes again and looked straight into Spencer's loving ones as she gripped his hand. She took in her surroundings trying not to show how scared she was that some of the other agents would recognise her true identity. How would they react if they knew she'd been Aaron Hotchner? Now she was free she was scared of all their judging eyes but she knew she had to be her true self again. She just hoped this identity would be kept secret until then.

She tightened her grip on Spencer's hand as she heard the gasps and saw the recognition in the eyes of the rest of her team. She hoped to God they wouldn't let her real name slip. She couldn't let anyone else know who she was. It might be used against her and once she was back to the man she truly was she didn't want any reminders.

Suddenly she remembered she wasn't the only one in this false body she'd been given. There was also her daughter. Oh yes she knew the baby she was carrying was going to be a girl. Dr Norwood had gleefully told her some time ago and even showed her on the sonogram he'd take every now and again to check the progress of the baby. Yes it had reminded her each time he did of the rape but the baby was one thing he could never take from her; the one thing that had kept her from feeling totally and utterly alone.

"My baby?" she asked vulnerably. "Is the baby alright? I can't lose her! She's been my only lifeline for so long."

"We'll get you checked out at the hospital," Rossi assured patting her shoulder as the paramedics came in to assess any damage.

When she saw them her eyes widened again in alarm and she tried to struggle away from them. What if they found out her secret? She couldn't let it be exposed. Dr Norwood had regularly gloated about what would happen once they discovered she'd been a man and that he'd gotten her pregnant. He'd often told her how he'd be the toast of the town and all the journalists and other plastic surgeons would ask him questions about how he'd succeeded in making a transsexual pregnant. The very thought of it made her shudder. Don't get her wrong she wasn't against transsexual mothering or the plight of infertility, after all it had taken years for Haley to get pregnant, it was just she'd never asked for this and she certainly didn't want her own personal torture to be made public.

"No-one will expose your secret, I'll make sure of that," he added looking directly into his best friend's eyes. "All of this will be kept confidential and no-one needs to know any of this outside of those who will help. Trust me no-one outside of the team and your doctors will find out but you need to get medical treatment..." Seeing her eyes widen in fear and alarm he added, "For the baby you need to get medical treatment."

He knew it was a shallow blow but right now it was the only thing he could think of that would get Aaron agree to be medically examined. She nodded but gripped both Dave's and Spencer's hands. "Please don't leave me," she whispered vulnerably.

"We won't. We'll never leave you, my friend," he replied as Spencer nodded with tears filling his eyes. There was no way he'd leave Aaron alone again. This was all his fault. If he'd only followed Aaron out maybe he'd never have been kidnapped. If he'd only gone out sooner maybe Aaron would still be a man. He vowed there was nothing he wouldn't do to help Aaron through and over this.

The paramedics checked her over and declared she was mostly alright but they wanted to take her to the hospital to do some tests on the baby as she had slightly elevated blood pressure. She looked at them a little frightened and vulnerable but agreed as long as Dave and Spencer went with her. They agreed as they saw it was the only way to keep her calm. They took her off to the hospital while the others followed.

Morgan could feel the blood boiling in his veins. He'd make that bastard pay for what he'd done to Hotch! Considering how and thinking of all the ways he'd make him pay he suddenly turned his car round and drove off to the house where they'd found them.

At the hospital they ran through the tests and declared the baby was safe for the being but it was advised they performed a caesarean the next day. Aaron agreed to have the baby the next day knowing the sooner she was in his arms the sooner he'd be relieved she was going to be alright but what about his other problem? Could he be made back into a man after the baby was born? He sure hoped so. There was no way he could live his life in the wrong body but could he trust this doctor with his secret?

"Dr," she said nervously playing with the book of notes she'd refused to ever let go.

"Yes ma'am," he answered noticing how nervous she looked and how she grimaced at him calling her ma'am. That was the first indication to him that this patient wasn't going to be a simple case. Another was the tears pooling in her eyes at him calling her ma'am and how she nervously fingered and gripped tight of the book in her hand. It was clear it was incredibly important to her.

"I'm not a woman..." The doctor looked back at her confused. She sure looked like a woman and there was a baby to prove it. "Or at least I'm not meant to be," she added looking down shaking a little while Spencer placed his hand gently on her arm reminding her she wasn't alone in all this. "I was kidnapped a year ago by a plastic surgeon who performed a sex change on me without my permission. My real name's Aaron Hotchner. If you don't believe me you can look in these notes but please don't let anyone else see them. They're the notes he took of each and every change he forced me to go through."

He nodded and took the notes skimming through them. His eyes opened wide as he read them and saw she was in fact telling the truth. It made him enraged and turned his stomach just to read what this other doctor had done to this poor man and he knew instantly he wanted to help him regain his life and his dignity. He just wished he knew how but maybe she was soon about to tell him. He knew it might involve putting his job on the line but these were unusual circumstances and he'd become a doctor to help them not turn his back on them.

He gave the notes back to her knowing they were safest with her and asked eagerly, "How can I help?" She smiled relieved reading that he actually genuinely wanted to help and she could trust him.

"Is there any chance I could be turned back? If so how soon?" she asked hoping for a favourable outcome.

"We have performed sex change reversals before..." She smiled a little more as her heart lifted that maybe finally there was light at the end of the tunnel. "Usually we expect two psychiatric evaluations to prove sex change regret when we perform the operation but as this is quite a different and delicate case I'm sure that those notes and the fact there's no paperwork to prove you consented to the operation I'm sure we won't need those evaluations. We could perform the operation as soon as possible but if we perform it today it could be risky for the baby. Tomorrow though we could combine it with the caesarean though it would be a long and risky operation but the baby and you would be safe and we could put it down as you had one operation. Of course we can keep both of them highly classified as well for your reputation."

She smiled relieved that she would be soon the man she was again but she couldn't risk the baby. "Tomorrow sounds good to me. I can't risk the baby and putting it down as one operation does sound appealing. Thank you so much for all of this. I really appreciate it."

"We haven't even performed the surgery yet," he smiled slightly at her.

"I know but still thank you," she smiled back at him.

"Anything to help."

She smiled back at him relieved that maybe finally there was a light at the end of tunnel. She watched him as he left so glad there was a doctor out there that wanted to help her instead of continuing Dr Norwood's 'research'. She felt like for the first time in forever that maybe she could get her life back even though she would be adding another child. How would her son react to being a big brother?

Jack! The very thought of him made her freeze. How would he take all this? Would he even understand that she was still his dad no matter what the doctor had forced her to go through? Would he even recognise her as his dad? Sure he was eleven and she'd explained LGBT issues with him but she'd never told him one day they might find her as a woman. It had been simply unimaginable to ever bring it up with him. She'd never imagined this nightmare would happen but soon she'd be the man he knew as his dad again.

"What am I going to tell Jack?" she asked vulnerably.

"You'll find the right thing to tell him but at the moment we can just tell him you've been found but he can't see you until tomorrow," Dave answered.

"Dave, he's my son. He's going to ask why."

"Then we'll be diplomatic with the truth. You're being taken good care of but the doctors don't advise that he see you yet as it could be a little frightening and confusing for him but he'll get to see you tomorrow after you've had the operation."

"You think I'll frighten him," she replied looking down with tears in her eyes. The last thing she ever wanted to do was frighten him. She could understand why the situation would be confusing, after all it was still slightly confusing to herself, but the last thing she wanted to do was scare him.

"I don't mean you'll frighten him. I mean the situation might frighten him. You could never frighten your son..." She nodded still looking down causing Dave to feel even guiltier. "I'll just go tell the others."

She nodded tightening her grip on Spencer's hand as she watched her best friend walk out and leave them behind. She felt nervous and vulnerable and hoped that Dave would come back soon. She was glad though that Spencer was staying with her. At least she still had someone supporting her.

When Dave stepped out of the room he found the rest of the team waiting in the nearest waiting room. He could see Morgan pacing about while JJ, Kate and Garcia sat on the seats. Kate and JJ were holding hands while Garcia was playing with one of several bangles on her wrists. He could see they were all trying to work out and get their heads around everything they'd found out today especially the fact Aaron had been turned into a woman.

When they saw Dave they got up and JJ asked, "How is he?" They couldn't wrap their heads around calling Aaron a woman. Anyway soon he'd be back to being a man, wouldn't he? They knew he surely hadn't asked for this. It was part of the torture he'd been made to endure.

"He's as well as he can be in the circumstances," he replied.

"Can they change him back?" Kate asked concerned.

"He's scheduled for a sex change reversal tomorrow along with a caesarean to deliver the baby safely. Thanks to the notes they've let the two psychiatric evaluations to decide sex change regret slide as it was clearly forced and there's no paperwork to prove Aaron consented to the operation."

"Of course he didn't consent!" Morgan shouted trying to bite back the anger he felt. "Why haven't they performed the operation already?"

"It could risk the baby."

"Who cares about the damn baby!" Morgan roared.

Narrowing his eyes at him Dave answered steely, "Aaron does and no matter how that baby was created she is Aaron's daughter. I know it's a big shock but right now Aaron needs our support more than anything. Also he needs and deserves the right to choose what to do with his body. If we deny him that how are we any better than Stephen Norwood. If you can't accept his decision get out of my face...Go back to that house and make sure that son of a bitch is dead."

"I already did. I dropped in at the house before I got here and I found he was stone cold dead. Aaron made sure of that," Morgan answered just as steely.

JJ got up and placed a hand on each of their chests giving them a stern look adding, "Neither does Aaron need us to let Norwood cause friction between us."

They nodded and relented. JJ was right. The last thing Aaron needed was for them to be at each other's throats. Rossi was also right he needed their support more than anything right now even if they didn't fully understand the situation. Also if Aaron wanted that baby they had to accept that and they knew they'd be there for him and the kids even if they still had to wrap their heads around how his youngest came to be.

Suddenly Garcia squealed, "Bossman's going to have a little girl?"

They smiled over at her. Trust her to have brought some light into the situation and lighten the atmosphere. "Yes he is. He's having a daughter," Dave smiled back at her.

Later that night Dave, Spencer and Anna were all sleeping in her hospital room. There was no way they would be leaving Aaron right now after everything he'd been through and still was going through. No way in hell would they have left him on his own whether the other doctors and nurses recognised her as a man or not. Garcia had made sure they would be able to stay the night with Aaron.

Dave and Spencer were sleeping in chairs either side of Anna as she laid fitfully in her bed. Spencer stirred as he kept hearing her foot hit the end of the bed and her tossing and turning murmuring something in her sleep. He opened his eyes blearily and saw she was thrashing about. She was clearly having a nightmare worrying him. He had no idea what Aaron had been through but the forced sex change operation would have been torture enough but it was clear the baby was a product of rape.

Spencer went over to her and took her by the shoulders. He shook her gently whispering loud enough for her to hear, "Wake up, Aaron, it's just a nightmare..." He was so thankful they were in a private room so hopefully no-one could hear him refer to her using her real name. "Aaron, wake up. It's just a nightmare. You're safe now."

She opened her eyes blearily and looked around her trying to work out where she was. At first all she saw was dark but as her eyes adjusted to the room she noticed she was in a hospital room. When she recognised the face above her as Spencer she clung to him crying, "Please don't leave me. Please never leave me."

Spencer sat back down and hugged her close to him as she cried into his shoulder. "I won't," he replied stroking her back. "I never will..." He then pushed her away a little so she could see his face as he added, "Even if you try to push me away I will never leave you."

She nodded but held him even closer. She knew now it was just a dream but after what she'd just seen she needed the extra reassurance that he'd never walk away from her. It had all felt so real as the plastic surgeons and journalists had moved towards her while her team had walked away from her to fend them off by herself taking her son with them.


	5. Nurse

**Nurse**

The next morning she woke up to intense cramps in her stomach and she placed one hand on her bump alarmed and scared. What was going on? Was something wrong with the baby? They were getting worse by the minute. They'd started earlier this morning but she thought they'd die down. Now they were just increasing by the minute.

Seeing Spencer sat beside her sleeping she whispered, "Spencer." He didn't stir so she repeated his name a little louder. She kept whispering his name getting louder and more agitated as she kept clutching onto her bump. The pains ripped through her each time and she hadn't been this scared in a long time. She needed help and there were only a few people left in this world she truly trusted.

Suddenly he woke up and as soon as he saw the pain on her face he took her hands and pressed the emergency button. Her eyes widened in alarm so he assured her they'd help her with the pain. She hoped to God they would but she clung to his hands scared of what was happening. She had no idea what was happening and it scared her to death.

A nurse ran in and seeing how she was clutching her stomach in pain she lifted up her gown while she tightened her grasp on Spencer's hand with her eyes widening even further and tears filling them at the memory of what had been altered down there against her will. She also felt the nurse taking down her knickers and begun shaking while tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Can't you be a bit more sensitive?" Spencer whispered steely. "Do you usually come into patient's rooms and pick up their dresses and take down their knickers? What if they've been raped?"

"I was just checking how far she's dilated," she replied steely back. She then turned back to Anna and answered, "You're fully dilated. Time to push."

Anna's eyes opened as wide as they could in fear while tears rushed down her face as she cried, "No, no, I was told I was having a caesarean." this nurse couldn't really be thinking she was going to push her baby into the world surely. She had no idea if she could do that and the very thought scared her to the core. Her genitalia had been changed and she had no idea if he'd even made it possible for her to have a natural birth and that was the last thing she wanted to find out if he had. She'd seen the pain Haley had gone through while having Jack and though she wasn't usually a coward she wasn't exactly looking forward to that. Also it would just be another reminder of what Dr Norwood had done to her.

"We only do caesareans in special cases," she replied trying to get Anna to open her legs wide preparing her for a natural birth but she tried to struggle away from the nurse while Spencer placed his hand firmly on the nurse trying to prevent her.

"I am a special case," she cried scared. When the nurse rolled her eyes she added in tears, "Please I wasn't born a woman. I'm a special case."She hated the fact she'd had to reveal her secret but there was no way she was going to deliver her baby naturally. They'd promised the caesarean would combine her sex change reversal and she was desperate for it. She needed both operations she panicked.

The nurse looked at her with utter disgust but Anna almost passed out in relief as she saw Dave walk in with her doctor. The doctor looked horrified by the way his patient was being treated and placed his arm firmly on her arm leading her away to give her a good chastising. Spencer was glad to see she looked horrified but his primary concern was calming down Anna again. Lord knows she hadn't needed or deserved that treatment! She was the victim, for Christ's sake!

Soon the doctor came over and placed his hand gently on the agitated patient's arm. "Agent Hotchner, I'm so sorry for the nurse's lack of sensitivity. Trust me she won't be allowed to come near you again. I'm even considering having her suspended. Now she tells me you're fully dilated..." She nodded vulnerably. "I'll get another nurse to prep you for the operations..." When she looked at him unsure he added, "Trust me, I won't be going anywhere while she does so. I won't be leaving you until you're completely under and even then it will be to scrub up."

She nodded answering quietly, "Thank you." Right now he was practically the only doctor she trusted in this place.

He whisked her down to the operating theatre with a couple of the nurses he'd hand-picked for the operations. He'd made sure to hand-pick each and every nurse for this highly covert operation. He'd sworn each one of his nurses into secrecy about these operations. There was no way anyone would know what had happened to Agent Hotchner without his permission. His top priority was to protect his patient and he'd die doing it.

Spencer watched Anna be sped down to the operating theatre from the doorway to her room feeling useless. It was all his fault! All his fault Aaron was in need of these operations! If only he'd followed him maybe he could have been able to prevent him from being kidnapped in the first place. He'd tried to be strong for her ever since they got her back but now she'd been taken down to the operating theatre his guilt was coming back tenfold.

Dave placed his hand on the younger agent's shoulder and Spencer looked up at him concerned and worried. "He'll be fine. He'll be back to his old self soon enough."

"No-one's ever performed these operations back to back before," Spencer answered looking down.

"Reid, this is Aaron we're talking about. Of course he's going to make it whether the operations have been done simultaneously or not," Dave assured him. "He's a fighter. Always has been always will be."

He nodded but still looked down. "If I'd followed him out a year ago I could have prevented him needing these operations to start with. If only I'd followed him none of this would have happened."

Dave placed his hand on his arm and replied, "Spencer, look at me..." The younger man looked up at him vulnerably. "You are to blame for none of this. None of us knew what was happening outside of the bar. None of us knew Dr Norwood even had her until last night. Even Aaron will tell you you really have nothing to blame yourself for here."

He nodded but he couldn't shake off the worry or the guilt. All they could do now was wait for Aaron to be brought back into his room with his baby a complete man again.


	6. Baby

**Baby**

He woke up with a sharp pain in his chest, stomach and abdomen. He also heard a baby's cry somewhere near him. Quickly the pain seemed to dissipate but he opened his eyes to see Spencer there holding what appeared to be a baby. Was it his baby? Had his daughter survived the operation?

Spencer had seen the grimace of pain cross Aaron's face as he slowly opened his eyes. Before he'd fully opened them he'd carefully shifted the baby into his right arm and clicked the morphine drip. He knew if Aaron had had been fully conscious he'd have had a go at him for taking such liberties but he just couldn't bear to see him in pain. It killed him inside to ever see him in pain.

"How did they go? Were they successful?" Aaron asked concerned vulnerably. He hoped to God they'd been successful in both restoring his body to him and producing him his daughter. He couldn't carry on living as a woman nor could he be an incomplete man. He didn't even care about fertility anymore as long as he had his bits. He had two children hopefully why would he need a third? He was aware he probably wouldn't be fertile ever again thanks to what had happened to him but he couldn't even think of any woman he wanted to ever have children with. All he prayed for was that his libido came back to him and he could fully function.

He knew he didn't physically have any genes shared with his daughter but after carrying her full term she was as his as they could get. He hoped prayed even that the baby looked nothing like Dr Norwood but he had no idea what her biological mother had looked like. Dr Norwood had often spoken of her 'noble sacrifice for the sake of science' but never had he seen as much as a photo of her. Part of him selfishly hoped she'd been the same colouring as him making the baby look like him.

"Aaron, look under the sheets,"Dave smiled at him. He knew it would be easy to tell him but he was positive it would be even better if he saw for himself.

Aaron gingerly looked under the sheets worried what he would find. When he took in the bandages around his flat chest, bandages around his stomach and bandages around his abdomen but the physical bulge underneath indicating he did indeed have a penis and testicles tears filled his eyes. He was back to being a complete man and it was the best thing in the world. He was himself again and he could move on. Yes he knew the memories and the scars would still be there but now he could move on in his true identity rather than one that had been forced upon him. He'd never take his manhood for granted ever again.

He looked back up at the both of them with tears in his eyes. He'd never been so thankful for an operation before. For the first time in a very long time he felt like he could breath again. He was himself again; well physically at least.

"I'm a man again," he smiled emotionally. He wasn't usually this emotional but he blamed it on what had happened and the hormones. Yes that was it; it was the oestrogen and progesterone that were running through his veins. They'd soon run out and no-one was going to make him take them ever again. That last thought made him smile even more than he was already.

"You are," Spencer smiled back then smiled back down at the baby girl in his arms. He'd been over the moon when Dave requested she be placed in Spencer's arms while Aaron slept off the anaesthetic. It had felt like she belonged there but he'd only help raise her with Aaron's permission. If not he'd stay on the sidelines trying to help but he already felt so much love for this little girl. He loved her like she was his own.

"Is she alright? Did I have a girl?" Aaron asked anxiously spying the baby in the man he loved's arms. He longed that she was alright and that he could hold her. After everything they'd been through together he didn't want her out of his sight.

"Yes, you had a beautiful, healthy baby girl," Spencer smiled back up at him then approached the bed carefully holding the baby. "Would you like to hold her?"

"Of course I would," he smiled slightly never taking his eyes off his daughter praying she looked nothing like Dr Norwood. Spencer passed her over to him but he found her too heavy and the pain too much so Spencer took him back. Seeing the tears in Aaron's eyes he laid the baby next to Aaron's head and made sure to sit close to them just in case something happened. Tears filled his eyes as he added, "Thank you."

"Anything for you," he smiled back slightly. "What are you going to call her?"

"Abigail," he smiled tenderly with tears in his eyes as he stroked his hand down the side of her ever so beautiful face. He was over the moon noticing the dark hairs laying on top of her head and the deep brown eyes watching him in wonder. "That was her mother's name. I read it in the notes plus he often used to tell me,"he shuddered a little remembering the man who had made him pregnant. "He always said her death was a noble sacrifice in the name of the science..." He carried on gazing at his daughter lovingly wishing to escape the looks of disgust on their faces just as he had when he'd heard the phrase first. "I vowed I would name her after her so there's always a small part of her with her."

"That's beautiful," Spencer smiled at him while Dave agreed. "Suits her too..." he added smiling at both father and daughter. Aaron smiled back at him then back down at his little princess resolved with his other decision.

"I'd like you to give her her middle name. I haven't thought of one and I think it would be really special if you were to give her one. If it weren't for you we wouldn't be free and here. You're my hero, Spencer. You were the one who helped me remember who I really am and fight for my freedom. It would be an honour if you gave my daughter a middle name," he smiled tenderly at him.

"You sure?" Spencer answered touched. He couldn't believe he was Aaron's hero. All he'd done was recognise those beautiful eyes. Had he really done all these things for him? Had he really set him free? Surely all he had was recognise his eyes and that beautiful mole on his cheek.

"More than sure," Aaron smiled back then smiled back at his baby girl. She was the best thing that had come out of all this hell. He felt so blessed to get to be the one that would raise her in this blessed freedom. He'd never let anything hurt her ever again. Tears filled his eyes as he watched her. She'd been his salvation.

"Amidala," Spencer smiled back instantly. When they looked a little surprised he added, "It's one of the things that helped us bond outside of work; our mutual passion for Star Wars. I know the originals are considered the best and Star Wars A Force Awakens is of the same quality but Abigail reminds me of Queen Amidala. She's a fighter and the one who saved you. She's the one that kept you holding on and unlike Anakin Skywalker you accepted her help."

"It's perfect," Aaron smiled back. "What do you think Abby?" he asked gazing back at his princess. She made a gurgle so he chuckled, "I believe she's agreeing. Abigail Amidala Hotchner it is then." He kissed her forehead tracing his nearest hand over the side of her face.

"Perfect name for the little princess," Dave smiled at them. "There's a young boy coming to visit this afternoon who I'm sure can't wait to see either of you."

"Jack," Aaron smiled a little excited.

"No Henry," Dave teased. "Of course Jack."

Suddenly something crossed Aaron's mind and he looked concerned. "What about my face? The surgery's changed my body back and given me the right parts again but my face still doesn't look like it used to," he replied vulnerably.

"The testosterone will soon drive out any leftover progesterone and oestrogen and as you're not taking anymore the testosterone will overpower them making any hormonal changes reverse the effect they've left on your body..." Spencer assured.

"Aaron, your face will return to what it used to look like in time. As you pointed out to me yesterday Jack's a smart kid he'll understand and you'll always be his dad; his hero. Nothing can ever change that..." Dave added.

Aaron nodded but he still couldn't shake off the nerves. What would his son make of the way he looked? Would it scare him or would he understand that he'd never wanted these changes? Would he forgive him that he'd been away for so long and he hadn't been able to stop these changes from happening? What would he also think of his baby sister?


	7. Jack

**Jack**

Jessica was at home getting her nephew ready to visit his dad in the hospital a little apprehensively. She was over the moon the man she loved like a brother had been found but she was still reeling from everything she'd heard that he'd suffered. Who could have done such a thing to him? Why? Why would anyone even do that to someone?

The very thought of it made her stomach churn but she was prepared to see the changes in his appearance. She;'d been informed he'd had the sex change reversal this morning but Dave had called her a few minutes ago to tell her Aaron was worried about how they'd take his face which was still slightly feminine. She assured him she'd prepare Jack for it too. She was also prepared to see the baby as well. She felt sorry for the child but didn't know until she saw it how she'd actually feel about the poor girl but she was ready to accept her into the family.

Jack ran up to her excited while putting on his converses. He was finally going to see his dad. He hadn't seen his dad in a year and now he was finally going to see him again. He was a little nervous though as his mum had told him last night in his dream that dad might look a little different. She'd told him that the bad guy had made his dad a woman but now he was a man again and had a baby. When he'd asked why and how she'd simply told him it was because an evil man had been trying to experiment on his body.

He was really angry at first but his mum had assured him that the bad man was dead now just like the bad man that had taken her away. He was glad about that but it didn't help that when he saw his mum when he was sleeping he still missed her. She'd told him she would always be here for him and she'd look over him, his dad and the baby from above. Even though he was sad he was left with a sense of calm over the dream and now he was just excited to see his dad and sister.

"Remember dad might look a little different when you see him," Jessica told him gently.

"I know, Auntie Jessica. Mum told me last night," he replied tying his shoelaces.

"Mum did?" she asked playing with strands of his light brown hair wrinkling her brow. Haley had been dead for six years now. How could she have told Jack?

He nodded enthusiastically then looked down a little. "Auntie Jessica, do you believe people can come to you and tell you things in dreams?"

"I sure do, buddy," she smiled down at him. "Mum come to you in a dream?"

He nodded kicking his feet and wrapping his coat around him. He debated whether to tell her what they'd talked about in the dream but in the end he gave in and told her. Her eyes opened in surprise but she was also impressed at how well he was understanding and accepting the extraordinary situation they were all in and how well her late sister had explained it to him. She could also understand the emotions the eleven year old boy had gone through as they'd almost mirrored hers.

"I just need to tell dad everything's going to be alright. That even though he might have to regain how to be a man again everything's going to be alright and I'm going to help him recover. I just can't wait to see dad again and meet my baby sister," he added.

She smiled at how caring he was but then she remembered Aaron's worry and concern. "Buddy..." she started.

"What is it, Auntie Jessica? What's wrong?" he answered concerned.

"Even though dad's been turned back into a man he might still look a little different. The bad man did experiment on dad but he also gave him some drugs to look like a woman. Some of those drugs are still in his system and they make his face look feminine..."

"They'll be got rid of though, right? Dad will look like he used to again, right? It will kill him if he doesn't get to look like he was born a man again!"

"Of course they will, buddy. The drugs will soon be fleshed out and he'll start looking more and more like himself but he's worried what you'll think. He's worried the fact he looks different might scare you."

Jack jumped to his feet and declared, "Dad can never scare me. It's not his fault he might look different. The bad man did that to him but he'll look like he used to soon."

"Of course, buddy," she smiled at him.

"Dad's just a little vulnerable at the moment."

"I'll make him feel better," he announced.

"Of course you will," she smiled back at him.

She soon got them both in the car and headed off to the hospital. Once they arrived she parked the car and got herself and her nephew out of the car. She'd made sure to park by the maternity unit. Dave had informed her Aaron was in a private room in a ward just off of the maternity ward due to the extraordinary circumstances of his condition.

"Let's go see your dad," she smiled trying to bite back the tears remembering what the man she loved almost like her own brother had been forced to go through.

He nodded and took her hand assuring, "Auntie Jessica, it's going to be alright. Dad's going to recover and we're going to help him."

"Of course we are," she smiled down at him then led him to the ward Dave had told her Aaron was in.

When they got to the ward she gave their names and they were both allowed in after they'd cleaned their hands with the hygiene gel just outside the ward. The last thing they wanted was to spread infection with any germs they might have been carrying especially to Aaron who had just gone through two big operations in a row.

As soon as they entered Jessica went over to the receptionist and asked for which room they'd put Aaron Hotchner in. Once they'd given her the room she headed off there with her nephew in tow. Nerves knotted both their stomachs but they couldn't wait to be reunited with him once again after a long, hard, trying year.

He heard footsteps coming nearer and nearer to his room. He tensed up and tried not to show the pain on his face as the anxiety began to bite inside of him. He knew it was his son and his son's aunt but he was scared what they'd make of everything that had happened to him. He was also worried how they'd take his appearance and his decision to keep and have the baby.

Spencer noticing the grimace on Aaron's face that he couldn't hide clicked the button again and took his hand while Dave took Abby into his arms. Aaron followed his daughter with his eyes never wanting to take his eyes off her. Only then would he feel she was safe.

"Aaron, she's just with Dave. She's fine. Everything will be alright. It's only Jack and Jessica. They understand what's happened. They're here for you and will help you recover. There's nothing to fear," Spencer assured him stroking his thumb over the back of Aaron's currently smooth, hairless hand.

He nodded but he couldn't shake off how anxious he felt. Somehow though he knew it wouldn't go until he'd seen how Jessica and his son reacted to him. Only then could his fears, worries and concerns be put to rest. He knew it was just extreme anxiety and nervousness that was making him feel like this but he couldn't shake it off.

Finally Jack poked his head round the door. He was a little taken aback when he saw his dad in the bed with long hair and a woman's face but he could tell by his eyes and the mole on his cheek it was his dad. Seeing the look of fear and anxiety in his father's eyes he knew it was his job to make him smile again so he summoned up his courage and ran up to him wrapping his arms gently around his chest. Aaron smiled enclosing one arm around him, being careful of his injuries, as a tear rolled down his cheek.

Jack broke the hug up a couple of minutes later and seeing the tear rubbed it off saying, "Dad, everything will be alright. You're home now and safe. Are you ok?"

"I am now," he smiled trying to bite back the tears that wouldn't stop coming. "Buddy, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I've missed so much time with you. I'm so sorry I've been away for so long. I'm so sorry I failed you."

"Dad," Jack answered looking at him concerned still trying to adjust to the changes in his face. "You never failed me. None of this was your fault. It was all the bad guy's and he's gone now."

"You're not scared of me," he whispered vulnerably.

"I could never be scared of you," he declared.

Aaron smiled up at him with tears in his eyes so Jack gave him a hug again while Aaron held him as close as he could without inflicting more pain onto himself. It felt so incredibly good to have his eleven year old son in his arms again and to know he accepted and understood the situation. He was impressed by how well he'd taken everything but he was mostly glad he wasn't scared or put off by what the doctor had done to him.

Jack then pulled away again and noticing the baby in Uncle Dave's arms asked, "Is that my sister?"

"Yes, she is, buddy," Aaron smiled slightly at him.

"Can I hold her?" he asked excited with his eyes widening.

"Of course you can but you've got to be careful with her. Remember how we taught you to hold Michael."

He nodded and sat carefully on the end of the bed with his arms outstretched for his sister. Dave smiled and gingerly placed the baby girl into her big brother's arms. Once in his arms he carefully cradled his sister's head and arms wanting to protect her and never hurt a hair on her head. He fell for her instantly.

"She's beautiful," he smiled.

"She is," Aaron smiled placing his hand gently on his son's back.

"What's her name?"

"Abigail but Abby for short."

He smiled back at his dad then kissed his little sister's forehead whispering, "Thanks for saving dad, Abby. I know if it wasn't for you I wouldn't still have a dad so thank you, lil sis. I love you."


	8. Paternity

**Paternity**

Five days later Aaron and Abby were still in the hospital. Abby had been placed in an incubator beside Aaron's bed. The doctor had decided after what Aaron had been through there was no way they were going to separate him from his daughter for a minute. He also made sure he was the doctor that regularly checked on their progress. He hadn't let a breathing soul know the true circumstances of his condition.

When he'd booked him into his hospital room he'd even given him a pseudonym to live under until he'd decided he could discharge him from his care back into a world where he could live freely as the man he should always have been. He, along with Agent Rossi, had made sure there were security guards outside of his hospital room making sure no curious plastic surgeons or reporters could get through. There were rumours floating around about what had happened but they and JJ were doing their best to quash them at their root.

They were both doing well in their progress. Abby was progressing just as a normal baby would. They'd done most of the newborn baby checks over the last few days and everything was in good working order. She was growing just like any young baby should be. They thankfully hadn't found any medical conditions or any complications from the unusual way she'd been created and introduced into this world. She was bottle feeding well and latching onto the nipple of the bottle without any problems.

Aaron was healing nicely as well the doctor declared. He'd even managed to be able to sit up and hold his baby in his arms about two days ago. To him it was the best feeling in the world sitting up, holding his baby in his arms and feeding her with the baby bottle. He felt a little guilty he couldn't breast feed but the sex change reversal had been a necessity. Was he too hasty to have wanted to remove the breasts though? No, he'd had to remove every trace of what Norwood had done to him!

He was relieved that his face was slowly becoming more like his old one. He knew he'd be covered in scars over his torso and possibly his abdomen but all that mattered to him was that his male genitalia was fully functioning. It had been confirmed he'd never be able to have children again but he just wanted to be able to perform sexually again. Two children were enough for him and the fact that they were one of each sex was the icing on the cake.

He was still attached to a catheter and trying to learn how to use his penis again. Once a day they would try and help him pee for himself into one of the bed pans. He was managing to get it out though it hurt his penis but he'd get frustrated as his aim was off and would miss the bedpan. They'd change his bedsheets after each try. Spencer would try and point out that with each go his aim was getting more and more accurate but he'd still get down even though every time he'd try with all his might.

He knew he wouldn't be able to leave the hospital until he was able to use his penis and get off the catheter. He just couldn't wait to get out of the hospital and go back home. Damn it would feel good to be home with his son and daughter. He hadn't been home for so long and he almost couldn't remember what it looked like. Also home to him currently felt like freedom.

Today it was scheduled they were going to do a blood test on his baby girl. Every other test had been done but they'd had to wait five days for this one. Apparently it was just routine procedure but it didn't mean he was looking forward to it. He didn't want to see them pricking his baby's heel as they'd said they would. She was only five days old; she was too small. He knew though that this could diagnose whether she had any underlying conditions that would affect her for life but he hated to see her cry.

The doctor came in and smiled at him asking, "How are you feeling today, Agent Hotchner?"

"Why don't you tell me, doctor? After all that's your job isn't it?" Aaron replied rolling his eyes.

The doctor smiled a little at his annoyance and surliness. It was a sign he was getting better. Only five days ago he'd been incredibly vulnerable and closed off now it seemed he had a bit more confidence. He'd been whispering to everyone unsure what they'd make of the situation now he was barking at them.

"I know you want to get out of here, Agent Hotchner, but you won't be able to until you're off the catheter," the doctor informed him only causing him to glare back at him. "You're doing well and I'm sure you'll get there in a day or two."

He rolled his eyes laying back a little frustrated. "Just do what you have to do," Aaron sighed.

The doctor nodded and got his nurse to change the bandages while he examined the progress. First they took off the bandages around his nipples that covered where they'd cut off the breasts that the hormones had given him. Apart from the obvious scarring left from cutting them off and sewing his nipples back on there was nothing alarming. They then placed fresh ones over the area after cleaning the wounds making sure no infection could get in.

He then got the nurse to take off the bandages around Aaron's stomach and checked the c-section scar. He was pleased to see other than the other scars from previous operations and the c-section he was healing well. He was even more pleased to see that the new scar and all that had taken place with the agent's stomach hadn't affected the old scar tissue. It had been a tricky set of operations but he was relieved with how well they'd come out. He then had fresh bandages put on after cleaning around the scar.

He finally got the nurse to take the bandages off Aaron's penis and balls while Aaron tensed a little. These were the only four people in the world right now he trusted to see them but he still didn't really like Spencer or Dave to see his new genitalia. To his relief they went over to the window and looked out allowing him his dignity but also not being too far if something went wrong. He was so grateful for their thoughtfulness.

The doctor was pleased to see the penis and testicles were becoming natural to the body and the body hadn't rejected them. He didn't know what he'd do if it had but he knew he'd do his best for his patient. He had a look at how the penis and testicles were also forming and though they were still a little swollen the swelling was dying down. He then had them both re-bandaged with fresh bandages.

"Are you willing to have a go now or would you prefer to try later?" the doctor asked as the nurse brought over the bedpan.

"Might as well," he replied rolling his eyes but inside hoping this time he wouldn't miss.

The nurse placed it in place and Spencer came back to help him sit back up while Dave carried on holding Abby. He aimed with all his might and peed on the inside edge of the bedpan. Even though he still had to get it in the middle of the bedpan he was relieved he'd managed to get it at least on the inside.

"It's getting stronger every day, Agent Hotchner. You should be able to get it on point tomorrow or at least in two days," the doctor encouraged.

He smiled a little back at him relieved lying back down into his pillows. His penis was getting stronger and it made him feel so much more better and confident. He was beginning to get his life back piece by piece and erase Stephen Norwood's touch from his body.

He then got out the equipment to take Abby's blood test which caused Aaron to tense up a little. He was anxious how his little girl would take it. Even now he hated to have one done and Jack had cried when he was a little and thrown a fit whenever they told him he needed one.

"This shouldn't hurt her too bad. It'll only be a pin prick," the doctor assured but Aaron still looked at his daughter anxiously. Having had trouble with his , usually well-behaved, son when it came time for blood tests he was a little nervous what her reaction would be but he knew she needed it done.

He watched as Dave handed his daughter over to the doctor and the doctor pricked her heel causing her to begin crying. Her tears made his heart tense up as they cleaned her foot and placed cotton wool over where they'd pricked and taped it on. They then placed her back in his arms relieving him. As soon as she saw she was in his arms she calmed down again.

"Agent Hotchner, may I remind you we have yet to fill out the birth certificate," the nurse piped up. "It's been five days now. We really should have it filled out by now."

He nodded. He'd tried to put it off as much as he could but it wasn't fair on his daughter. He just hadn't wanted to remember how she wasn't really her father. He hadn't wanted to remember what Norwood had done to him. He was crazy about his daughter but he hadn't wanted to remember the horrific and unusual pregnancy that had brought her into the world. He hadn't wanted to remember how this all had come about. He hadn't wanted to remember anything of it but it had all been unfair to not register his daughter's birth.

"Fine," he replied resigned handing his baby over to Dave. "Let's get this over and done with."

She nodded and they ushered in the registrar. Though the doctor had already assured him they'd vetted a registrar and kept the details of the circumstances of Abby's birth confidential Aaron still tensed a little seeing her trying to bite back the shakes. He just wasn't comfortable around strangers yet. He was thankful when Spencer took his hand in support.

He gave her all the information he knew until he was about to name Norwood as the father. Suddenly he felt Spencer squeeze his hand and clear his throat stopping him and the registrar. The registrar looked at him annoyed but Aaron looked at him confused. Why had he done that? Did he know something he didn't?

"I think we should do a paternity test," Spencer declared. Aaron looked confused while Dave stirred. Spencer looked at him imploringly and he nodded but placed his hand on Aaron's arm. "Can we have a moment in private?" he added gently.

The registrar, nurse and doctor nodded leaving the room but assuring them they were just outside.

"Why would I need a paternity test for my daughter?" Aaron asked confused. "I know who her father is."

"Aaron," he said gently picking up the book of notes and finding the right page. He then swallowed and showed it to him. Aaron couldn't believe his eyes as he read how Dr Norwood had basically given him a hand job then transferred his sperm into a vial only to insert inside of him once he'd surgically converted him into Anna. "You know what this means, don't you?"

"That I wasn't just sexually assaulted as a woman but also as a man," he replied with tears filling his eyes and turning away. He couldn't bring himself to look anyone in the eye. How could he ever look them in the eye again after everything that had happened? It was all crashing down on him and he tried to blink back the tears.

"Oh Aaron, I'm sorry yes but it also means Abby could be biologically yours. You be her true father not that bastard. She could be yours by blood just not by surrogate," Spencer comforted him. "You could put this whole nightmare behind you."

"How can I ever put this nightmare behind me?" he shouted pulling away from him. "He sexually assaulted me, he forced me to undergo a sex change, he raped me. He put me into situations I didn't understand and still can't get my head around. I'm a mass of scars because of him. How can I ever put this behind me?"

"Aaron, the scars will fade and you really need to talk to someone," he answered feeling guilty but trying to be strong for him. "When you've talked to someone maybe then you can get the wheels in motion to move on."

"I don't need a shrink," Aaron shouted back with tears in his eyes. He then wrapped his long hair around his hand and pulled out a hair offering it to Spencer without looking at him. "Get the paternity test done."


	9. Refusal

**Refusal**

About half an hour later the doctor came back to a scene he hadn't expected to see and shook his head. There was Agent Hotchner lying on his side not looking at anyone in particular while Agents Rossi and Reid tried to comfort him only for him to shake them both off. He wasn't even bringing himself to look at his daughter who was currently lying in Rossi's arms.

It was clear something had gone horribly wrong and he was nervous about how the results would change anything. Had everything come crushing down on his patient? He'd dealt with the physical damage over the last five days but had he begun to deal with the psychological as well now? He needed to see someone and he needed to see them soon but how would he be able to convince his patient of it? He knew he was a stubborn man who was used to internalising things and emotions but if he carried on internalising it all it would destroy him. Was it even his place to?

He cleared his throat and they all looked at him. Even Aaron briefly before he lowered his eyes and looked at the floor. He knew now he was right the psychological damage was being dealt with now. He would advise a psychologist but it was up to Hotchner if he wanted to see one. He'd strongly advise it though.

"I have the results," he announced. They just looked up briefly and Aaron waved him to carry on numbly. "Abigail is biologically your daughter and the blood test came out negative for any underlying conditions."

Aaron smiled slightly then leaned back into the bed muttering, "She deserves better."

"May I?" the doctor asked looking at Dave and Spencer. They nodded shrugging. He took a seat beside him while Spencer vacated it. "Agent Hotchner I know I'm just your doctor but I also know you've been through a lot psychologically as well as physically and I'd strongly suggest you saw a therapist. I can suggest a number of them that I trust implicitly that I assure you would keep your case strictly confidential."

Aaron just glared back at him. "You're right; you're just my doctor. You don't know what I need psychologically. I don't need to see a shrink," he shouted at him. He closed his eyes only to reopen them a second later trying to control his temper then added, "I'm fine."

"Agent Hotchner..." he replied trying to keep as understanding as he could but it was obvious to him how much his patient needed to talk to someone. If he didn't and he kept all this anger inside of him he would explode and people could get hurt. He knew he was only the doctor but he cared for his patient and his well-being. He felt like they'd developed a connection ever since he'd been admitted.

"I'm fine," he spat back at him. "You're a doctor. I'm sure you've got more important things to be doing than pestering me."

The doctor got up inwardly sighing. He just hoped Hotchner didn't hinder his physical healing but his psychological healing would have to come sooner or later. He just hoped it wasn't too late before he saw he needed to see a therapist. He also hoped he didn't push himself or cheat himself through a medical evaluation. He feared what the consequences would be if he didn't help himself through everything that had happened.

Later the nurse came by with his usual lunch. He rolled his eyes as he saw it come in. He was fed up with the usual sandwich, yoghurt and chocolate dessert. He wasn't hungry anyway. He just didn't have an appetite not after what he'd learned this morning.

Aaron just waved his hand at her and said, "I'm not hungry."

"Agent Hotchner, you have to eat," she answered warily placing the tray on the table.

He knocked it off in one fell swoop shouting, "I told you I'm not hungry."

She picked it up and looked up at him feeling a little hopeless but she knew she had to help him get well. Refusing to eat wasn't going to help him. She had to convince him to or it was only going to get worse. She couldn't let him worsen his condition she vowed as she could hear the baby cry.

"I'm going to get you another," she replied while he just rolled his eyes in annoyed response.

Once she'd left the room while he followed her with his eyes glaring he finally noticed his daughter's cries. They ripped right through him but he wasn't good enough for her; she deserved better. He couldn't even bring himself to hold her anymore. She deserved so much better than this miserable, broken wreck. He felt so incredibly dirty and broken.

He just turned over on his side blinking back tears trying to blot out his daughter's cries. He yearned to hold her but the voices in his head were telling him he wasn't good enough to even touch her. She was so pure and innocent whilst he was so sick, dirty and disgusting. God, how he hated himself right now!

Spencer looked at him swallowing the lump in his throat while he picked up Abby and cradled her gently trying to stop the baby girl's tears. Once again it was all his fault. If he hadn't shown Aaron that excerpt none of this would have happened but he was trying to point out the one silver lining in all this, that had been proven, that Abby could be his biological daughter. He hadn't meant for the man he loved's emotional state to worsen to this state. He knew all he could do was be there for him and he wasn't going anywhere else. He'd never leave his side again.

The nurse came back with another lunch and left it on the table only to find it was still there when he came back with his dinner a few hours later. She rolled her eyes and placed the tray down preparing to take the lunch one.

"Agent Hotchner, if you keep this up we'll have to put another tube in you," she announced. He just glared back at her. He wouldn't let anyone touch him or even get near him. He'd never let them attach him to another drip. "I'd suggest you eat otherwise we'll have no other choice." He just growled and glared back at her until she left the room.

He saw the concerned looks on Spencer and Dave's faces and replied, "Don't expect me to eat it."

They suddenly heard footsteps and looked up to see Jack and Jessica enter the room a little trepidatiously. They could see from their faces they'd understood things had taken a turn for the worse. They watched as the eleven year old boy sadly and a little shyly went over to the bed of his father.

He placed his hand gently on his dad's arm and said gently and concerned, "Dad."

Before he could stop himself Aaron turned over to him with his eyes flashing and his nostrils flaring and gripped his son's hand roaring, "What?"


	10. Acceptance

**Acceptance**

Jack looked up at him scared trying to bite back the tears. He wanted to be brave and strong for him but he'd never seen his dad like this. His dad had never shouted at him or held him this tight not even when they were reunited twice. Had he done something wrong? All he'd done was hold his dad and all he'd wanted was to ask what had upset his dad and if he was alright. Had something made his dad angry?

"I'm sorry, dad," he gulped emotionally. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to make you better."

Seeing the tears and fear and hearing the emotion in his son's eyes he felt everything crashing down on him again. What had he just done! The tears that had been biting behind his eyes now came to the forefront of them. He'd never meant to do that to his son. Never in his right mind would he yell or hurt Jack. As Jack took his arm from him and he noticed the white marks where he'd just grabbed him forcefully his tears became more forthcoming as he saw he'd done both.

God, he needed help! He couldn't stay like this. He couldn't turn away from his children. They needed him as much as he needed them. They were the only thing pulling him away from the darkness currently. They were all he had. He was single and he highly doubted the man he loved, though he'd never left his side while he was in the hospital, loved him back as much as he did him. He couldn't let them lose him to the feelings he yet hadn't been able to control or the nightmares. He couldn't let Norwood win. The only good thing to come from Norwood was Abby and he couldn't let her lose her true father. She'd already lost her mother at the merciless hands of a psychopath in the name of 'his experiment'. She couldn't lose her father too. Neither could his son who'd also lost his mother to the merciless hands of a psychopath.

He held Jack close to him and placed his hand on his back trying desperately hard to keep his tears inside. He couldn't cry in front of his son. He had to be strong for his little boy. "Oh buddy, I'm so sorry, I never meant to shout at you," he replied trying to keep the tears in. "You never made me upset. You never could. You always make me feel better."

"Really?" Jack asked nervously.

"Really," he answered smiling a little. "Buddy, I never meant to take my anger out on you or scare you..."

"I know, dad, I understand. It was because of what the bad man did to you, isn't it?" He nodded looking down but Jack broke out of the hug and lifted his dad's chin with his hand. "You need to speak to somebody, dad."

"I know, buddy," he replied looking down.

"Dad, you've got to speak to them soon. If you don't it'll only worsen your anger and it'll only upset you further."

"I know, buddy, and I will. I want to get better for you and your sister."

"I'm glad but, dad, you've also got to get better for yourself. You've got to feel good about yourself because you're a good guy and I want you to be happy."

"You and your sister make me very happy," he replied with a slight smile and tears in his eyes. When he saw his son beam up at him he smiled even more.

"Will you eat your food now, dad?"

"Of course," he replied as Spencer pushed the meal back in front of him.

He looked around a little nervously then tucked in feeling a little guilty that no-one else had anything to eat. He tried to offer a bite to everyone else but they turned it down assuring him they weren't hungry. Dave and Spencer assured him they'd eaten in the cafeteria while he was asleep while Jessica assured him that she and Jack had eaten before they'd come. The only one who hadn't eaten yet was too young to have a bite of his food.

Once he'd finished Spencer called the nurse to take the empty plate away and bring a bottle for Abby. She beamed when she saw the finished plate and agreed to bring the bottle straight away. Dave placed the baby into Aaron's arms while Jack sat up close to them both smiling down at his little sister. Aaron smiled as every time Jack saw Abby he became more and more attached to her.

Once the bottle came Abby looked up at the bottle while her father shifted her into his right arm. He then took the bottle in his left hand and placed the nipple into his daughter's mouth. As soon as the nipple of the bottle was in her mouth she started sucking on it greedily. Aaron smiled at both his children with tears in his eyes as she carried on feeding off the bottle and his son gently stroked the hairs on the top of her head. There was no way he could leave either one of them.

Soon it was time for Jack and Jessica to leave so he hugged his dad carefully and kissed his baby sister's forehead. "I'll be back tomorrow," he assured while Jessica nodded. "Dad, please speak to someone. It'll help the nightmares go away just like when I lost mum."

He smiled and assured him he would as soon as possible. The last thing he could lose was his family. He needed them more than anything and the last thing he could do was push them all away like he'd tried to. He needed help; he saw that. It was the only way of letting Norwood take his mind again.

Tears filled his eyes as he remembered the day Norwood had finally broken him. It wasn't even waking up to find his testicles had been replaced with a vagina against his permission. It was a few days later. In shock and despair over what he'd done to him he'd refused to eat after he'd found he'd been turned into a woman against his will. He'd wanted to kill himself. There was no way he could have carried on living like that. Even that hadn't broken him. No it had been when Norwood had climbed on top of him ,as his body was still adjusting to the mutilation he'd forced upon it, and raped him repeatedly. He just hadn't been able to take it any longer and he let his mind wander far away from him. He'd just become Norwood's puppet and 'prized experiment' until his team had come to remind him exactly who he was and had given him the strength to free himself and rid the world forever of one Dr Stephen Norwood.

Jack seeing the tears hugged his dad close again, being careful of his sister, and whispered, "Dad, it's all over now and he can never hurt you again. It'll all get better, promise. You're home now and we're all going to help you."

Aaron pulled back and gently holding his baby in one arm he traced his hand down the side of his son's face asking softly, "What did I ever do to deserve a son as good as you?"

Jack looked at him concerned and took his free hand. "Dad, you're a hero," he said gently. "You've saved many people including me. Never forget that."

He smiled slightly and nodded, "I won't."

Once they'd left Dave turned to him and asked, "Why don't we get you a haircut? It might help you feel more like yourself and I could get my barber to come into the hospital to cut it for you. I've gone to him for over twenty years."

"I'd like that," Aaron smiled a little more. It would feel good to lose all this hair and have his old haircut back. Dave was right it would make him feel more like himself and maybe even shake off the last remnants of the woman he'd been forced to be. The only things remaining would be his precious daughter and the scars left behind. Abby was the only silver lining in all this and he'd never turn against her. It wasn't her fault how she'd been created. The scars would fade in time and he'd learn to adapt to them just like he had the ones Foyet had left.


	11. Hair

**Hair**

The next day he woke up feeling somewhat better than he had the last few days. Having agreed to see a shrink, though it made him nervous, felt like a large weight had been taken from his shoulders. The fact that maybe, just maybe, he might be able to move on from the nightmares and the torture he'd suffered. He was apprehensive though about opening up about everything that had happened to him. Would they even believe him? He still couldn't get his head round what had happened. Would he have to take the notes with him? He'd rather have them burnt.

He was relieved though that physically things seemed to be falling into place. He could aim into the bottle when using his penis. That gave him hope that maybe one day he might be able to get an erection. He just hoped it would be one day soon. Though he didn't really have anyone to make love to. The man he loved didn't love him like that.

Also his scars were healing well and the pain was dissipating. Soon the bandages would be able to come off and he'd finally see exactly how the scars looked. Though he couldn't wait to finally go home he was a little nervous about how much of his body the scars took up and the look of them. He was aware they'd take up a large part of his torso. After all he'd recently been through a sex change reversal allowing him to have his new penis created and cutting off his breasts and a caesarean.

He wasn't quite sure about his face though. He hadn't seen it since he was rescued. He hoped it was becoming more and more masculine again but sometimes he felt guilty about Anna. Yes she should never have been created and certainly not from his body but recently he'd started thinking of her as a separate person. Was it crazy? He didn't know. All he knew was she'd been a victim just as much as he had been and she hadn't deserved to die. Yet if she hadn't he would never have been himself again. He was just so confused.

He looked around him and saw his daughter lying in her cot beside him. He smiled seeing she was awake. He saw the other two weren't awake so he tried to swing his legs round to sit on the edge of the bed and pick her up for himself for the first time. He felt the tug of the catheter again and sighed lying back into the bed. He then tried to pull the cot closer to him and when he succeeded he smiled and leaned over picking her up and cradling her into his arms.

He smiled down at her as she looked back up at him. He stroked her cheek with one of his fingers as gently as he could while she inched closer to it. He smiled even further as he saw how it calmed her. He was falling for his little girl more and more each day.

He then noticed Spencer and Dave were both awake now and smiling at them both. "I hope I didn't wake you," he said quietly.

"We were already waking up when you were trying to pull the cot towards you," Spencer assured him.

He smiled a little at the obvious lie. It had been clear they were fast asleep when he'd tried to pick her up first or they would have tried to get him to lie back down and pass Abby over to him. Even though he'd been thankful and relieved they'd never left his side since he was brought in they had been a little overprotective. At first it had been a comforting relief but now it was just becoming an annoying nuisance.

Suddenly he heard an Italian voice and tensed a little as a man he'd never seen before popped his head round the door with the doctor. He was a small, thin, elderly gentleman with reading glasses perched on his nose. He watched in curiosity as Dave walked over to him and they greeted in the stereotypical Italian way with kisses on both cheeks.

"Mario, may I introduce you to my best friend, Aaron," he smiled between the two men. "Aaron, this is my barber, Mario," explaining his presence.

"Ah Signor Hotchner, young David has told me a lot about you," Mario smiled at him. When he saw the young man look a little more uneasy he assured him, "All good I assure you." He smiled a little. "Shall we get started on your hair?" Aaron smiled a little more and nodded.

He went over to the bed and they pushed it a little forward for him so he could get behind his client. He thankfully found he could push down the headboard so he did so he had easier access to the younger man's hair. He then got out his old, trusty scissors and comb to cut the young man's hair. He was shocked by how long his hair had got but he was ready to cut it off for him.

"How would you like your hair, Signor Hotchner?" Mario asked.

"Please call me Aaron and a short back and sides," Aaron answered quietly. Even though he now knew he was here to help him and he trusted him he still felt a little uneasy. He didn't feel comfortable opening up to strangers just yet. Did this man know what happened to him? What did he really think of him?

"Alright, Signor Aaron, are we ready?" Mario replied.

"As ready as I'll ever be," he sighed. No-one had touched his hair since he'd been brought in and he was still a little nervous. The last person to have touched it was Norwood. Would it bring up bad memories?

Mario placed his comb into Aaron's hair and started combing it so he could get a clean cut. He tried to comb it as Aaron began to involuntarily shake and close his eyes. He couldn't shake off the reminders that Norwood had been the last to touch his hair. He'd comb his hair every morning and every night while he was Anna. Once he'd accepted his identity as Anna Norwood had basically treated him like a doll. He hadn't been able to really do anything for himself apart from serve Norwood. He squeezed his eyes even more shut as he bit back the tears remembering just how he'd been made to serve Norwood's every single need whether it be sexual and non-sexual. He tried to bite the tears back even further as he remembered how he hadn't been able to do anything for himself. Norwood had basically dressed him, styled his hair and performed his toiletries for him to make 'Anna' look how he'd wanted her to look. The only thing he'd been allowed to do was feed himself and drink for himself even then he'd only been allowed the food and drink Norwood had provided for him. Even when he'd accepted his role as Anna he hadn't even been allowed outside except for daily walks around the woods just outside the house but never into civilisation.

"Signor Aaron, I can't ease the tangles if you keep shaking," he said gently. He felt sympathetic towards whatever trauma this young man had been through but the shaking wasn't helping with getting his hair tangle free for the haircut.

"I'm sorry," he replied vulnerably opening his eyes but looking away as he saw the looks of pity on his two friends' faces. "I can't help it..."

"It's so tangled how about I cut the tangles out. There'll still be enough hair left to cut into the style you want," Mario replied.

Aaron nodded trying to steady his shakes and prepare himself for Mario touching his hair again. As soon as Mario picked up his scissors and touched his hair to make sure he got the tangles cut out evenly Aaron started shaking involuntarily again. He tried to calm the shakes frustrated at his weakness but he couldn't stop it and it was winding him up. He was stronger than this and he couldn't stop the shakes. He needed the haircut but this wasn't helping Mario make it even and he didn't want to end up looking like an idiot. He just wished he could be the man he used to be; not this scared, vulnerable mess.

Mario tried not to show his frustration as he withdrew the scissors. He could see the younger man had gone through some sort of trauma and he felt sorry for whatever he'd been through but it wasn't helping him make sure the haircut was even like Signor Aaron deserved. He'd seen time and time again just how many wonders a good haircut could do someone emotionally and dear God did this man deserve those wonders.

"Shall we reschedule this haircut?" he asked a little unsure.

"No, I need it," Aaron replied firmly trying to stop the shakes even more and bite back the tears. "It's the only thing left that will make me feel more like myself. I need this haircut."

Spencer then placed Abby into her father's arms. Aaron had passed her over to him before the haircut had begun. Knowing how Aaron often calmed Abby he wondered if the reverse could be true and she could stop her father from shaking and help keep him still while Mario finished the haircut. He knew just how important it was for him to have this haircut right now and not postpone it so he was really praying the precious, little girl would be able to help her dad. Seeing how she was indeed providing him a calming influence as his shakes suddenly came to a stop he smiled that he was right. He smiled up at Mario and nodded while Mario smiled back grateful.

Mario went back to cutting all the tangles out of Aaron's hair. Thankfully this time he was able to succeed and whenever hair accidentally fell onto Abby Aaron would just calmly brush it off. Once he'd cut out all the tangles Aaron's hair was fairly short again. He then got to cutting Aaron's hair the way Aaron had asked him to. Once he was finished he packed his tools away and brought out the mirror he carried for home calls.

"Done, Signor Aaron," he piped up brushing all the excess hair off the man's shoulders and hospital gown. It wouldn't do to leave the hair he'd cut off lying around him. It would itch him and could aggravate his wounds.

"Thank you," Aaron smiled quietly. He was relieved that all that hair had gone and that his head did indeed feel lighter now it had been cut off. It felt like a burden had been taken off his shoulders. Ever since he'd remembered who he was the long hair had just felt like a nuisance and he'd hated it.

He showed him the back of it with the mirror and Aaron smiled seeing how short it was again. He then gave the mirror to Aaron who shifted Abby into one arm and taking a deep breath tried to prepare himself to look into it. How feminine did he still look? Had the hormones returned his face back to normal yet? Had his face become more masculine since he last saw it? He finally bit the bullet and looked into the mirror. What he saw brought tears to his eyes as he saw his face was almost masculine again and he looked almost like his old self. He believed that in a few days it would be back to his old face again.

"Thank you, thank you so much," he smiled up at him handing the mirror back and running his fingers up the short hairs on the back of his neck. Maybe he was finally able to return to the man he was and possibly move on from what happened. He smiled down at his little angel and kissed her forehead. He'd show her every day just how she'd been his salvation.

Suddenly, after Mario had left, Jack ran in with his aunt. Jack smiled even bigger when he saw his dad had had his hair cut back to how it had it used to be. He was beginning to look a lot more like the dad he'd known a year ago before the bad man had taken him away and done really bad things to him.

"Dad, you got your hair cut," he exclaimed beaming.

"Yes, I did. A friend of Uncle Dave's came in to cut it for me..." he smiled back at his son. "What do you think?"

"You look great, dad, just like you did before. You're looking more and more like himself everyday." Aaron beamed back at him then noticed he was wearing long sleeves. He suddenly felt guilty and concerned. Why was his son covering his arms? Had he bruised him yesterday in his rage? It would kill him if he had. He'd vowed himself from the moment his son had been born he'd never leave marks on his son like his father had once done to Sean and himself.

When Jack saw the guilt in his father's eyes and the tears he placed his hand on his dad's arm saying, "Dad, you didn't hurt me. I just accidentally scraped myself when I jumped off the swing..." He carefully took up his right sleeve to show his dad just how he'd grazed himself and had no bruises left from where his dad had accidentally grabbed him hard yesterday. He then gingerly put it back down and added, "I didn't want to worry you so I wore this top."

"Oh buddy," he answered handing Abby to Spencer then carefully hugging his son. "You don't have to worry about worrying me. I'm always going to worry. It's my job to worry."

"But you're in hospital and you're meant to be getting better," Jack replied quietly.

"Buddy, I am getting better but trust me I am never going to stop worrying about you. The day I stop worrying is the day I become an even worse dad than I already am."

"Dad," he said firmly making Aaron look at him then adding, "You're the best dad."

"Thanks buddy," Aaron smiled back with tears in his eyes.


	12. Therapist

**Therapist**

Later that day he was to see the therapist for the first time. He was nervous but the doctor had assured him everything would stay confidential. He'd also filled him in on her credentials. She'd worked for the hospital in the psychiatric department for twenty years and had a success rate of 99% with all her previous patients. He'd also been informed that she'd been informed of his unusual circumstances and been sworn into secrecy that his interesting case would never come out.

Jack and Jessica had gone home and Abby was currently sleeping in her cot. Spencer and Dave were still by his side but he didn't feel much like talking. He was getting more nervous as time went on about this appointment. He knew it was any minute he'd be called to see Dr Denise Edmondson. Would she be interviewing him in here or would she expect him in his office? Would someone be taking him to her if that was the case? Would he have to go in a wheelchair? He rolled his eyes at the wheelchair but he still hadn't been able to walk yet.

Suddenly the door opened and his nurse came in with a wheelchair. Well he guessed that answered most of his questions. She opened it for him then helped him into it as he rolled his eyes. Damn he just wished he could get out of here and do things for himself again. It had only been a caesarean and sex change reversal after all. He'd seen transsexuals and mothers walk out after their operations after a week. Yet here he was a week and a half after being admitted and he had to use a damn wheelchair. Granted they hadn't had the two operations like him. He'd been the first transsexual to have a baby. Was he still a transsexual or had the sex change reversal cancelled that or had it made him a transsexual twice over? Did it even matter? He had the right body again.

"Agent Hotchner, Dr Edmondson has requested to see you in her office. I'm here to take you," she explained making sure he was safely inside the wheelchair.

He nodded rolling his eyes to be in a wheelchair but secretly thankful the appointment would be somewhere private. Well he at least hoped it was somewhere private. He knew Spencer had read the notes but he didn't know if he was open to telling those close to him the full story yet. He didn't know if he could handle their reactions just yet.

She then pushed him out of the hospital room and down a corridor towards the elevator. Once in the elevator he noticed it went up a couple of floors leading him to believe he was on the fifth floor. He knew from chit chat that he was on the second floor and they seemed to be going up three more floors. Once they reached the floor she wheeled him down another corridor then another until they finally reached a room with wide windows with the blinds drawn.

She then knocked on the door and a tall, attractive dark haired woman answered the door with glasses perched on the end of her nose. She smiled at the nurse then down at him trying to put him at ease but he still felt nervous about what he had to tell her. "I'll take it from here," she said.

The nurse smiled nodding and left as Dr Edmondson came behind the wheelchair and wheeled Aaron into her office. Aaron looked around him and noticed it was a typical psychiatrist's office. She had the typical fern in the corner and shelves all around her room covered in books. He smiled when he saw the Dr Who figurines on the top of the shelving unit behind her desk and the Star Trek bobble heads on her desk. Just like the man he loved he smiled slightly.

She placed him in front of her desk then sat the either side of it. She saw how hard he was focussing on the figurines and bobble heads. She knew they would have to find a common ground before she started their session. She wanted to put him more at ease. She knew his story was a harrowing one.

"You a fan?" she asked.

"Not as much as a friend of mine," he smiled a little sadly wishing again that he was more than a friend.

"Do you want to talk about them?" He shook his head looking down at his hands in his lap. If he couldn't admit his feelings to Spencer how could he admit them to his shrink. No, Spencer had to be the first to know how much he loved him how much he meant to him. "How can I help, Aaron? Can I call you Aaron?"

He shrugged his shoulders then looked back up. "I want to move on. I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want to be scared when someone does something as simple as cut my hair. I don't want to scare my children. I don't want to shout at my son and grip his arm. I don't want to ignore my baby's cries. I don't want the nightmares anymore. I just want to be the man I used to be," he replied.

"Do you think you could be that man again?" she asked gently.

"I don't know but I'd like to think I could get close," he replied vulnerably. "But I don't even know where to begin to get back there or at least to move on."

"Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"I was told my doctor had given you the report," he replied confused.

"Yes but I'd like to hear it in your own words."

"I don't even know where to start."

"Why don't you start from the beginning? That's always a good place to start. What do you first remember?"

"Waking up in that terrible place on a slab table with my hands and wrists tied to the table along with my stomach..." Aaron then looked down with tears in his eyes remembering just how vulnerable he felt when he woke up. Of course he'd felt angry someone had kidnapped him and taken him hostage but he'd also felt vulnerable and scared.

"What is it, Aaron?"

"I was naked. He'd stripped me of all my clothing," he replied looking down.

"How did you feel?"

"How do you think I felt? I was naked!" he snapped. He closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat for a moment trying to keep his composure. "Scared, vulnerable, angry."

"Why?"

Aaron rolled his eyes annoyed but tried to bite back the anger. "Vulnerable because I was naked and scared. Scared because I didn't know who had me and what was going to happen. Angry because I hadn't been able to prevent this from happening to myself."

"From your report there was no way you were able to stop this. There was no way you could see it coming. Apparently you were injected in the arm by a drawing pen with a drug that knocked you out..."

He nodded with tears in his eyes. "I didn't see it coming. I thought he was just trying to get into the bar and I was somehow in the way. Before I knew what was happening I was feeling dizzy and disorientated."

"Aaron, you couldn't help what happened. Like you just said you didn't see how it was coming. How were you to know what was about to happen if you hadn't been given a prior warning? You're the victim in all this and you have nothing to blame yourself for."

He nodded. He knew she was right but he couldn't shake off his guilt. He should have been stronger or at least his catlike reflexes. He was an FBI agent for Christ's sake. He was the bloody Unit Chief and he still hadn't been able to defend himself.

"What's the next thing you remember?" she asked.

He looked towards the window trying to bite his tears back. "Dr Norwood grabbed my head and forced me to swallow hormones while forcing me to wash them down with water. I tried to struggle but he just grabbed my head even more and made sure I swallowed."

"When did you realise it was hormones?"she asked gently.

He looked down then back up again. "When my body started to change. When boobs started to grow on my chest and I started to lose hair on my arms. When my face started to become more feminine. He always told me that one day I was going to be a woman. I always thought he was just trying to psychologically torture me until..." Suddenly the tears started building up even more in his eyes. "Until..."

"Until what, Aaron?" she asked gently.

"Until I woke up one morning to find my penis and testicles had been swapped with a vagina..."

"How did you feel?"

"How do you think I felt?" he snapped trying to wipe the tears away. "I wanted to kill myself. I even tried..."

"What stopped you?"

"Abby," he smiled slightly trying to bite back the tears.

"Who's Abby?"

"My daughter."

"I hear she's only nine days old. How did she save you?"

"When I became pregnant I wasn't alone and I wanted to do everything I could to protect her. She's my little girl. I know if I killed myself I'd have killed her too. I also know if I'd killed myself my son would be an orphan," he replied looking down. Looking back at how he'd wanted to commit suicide made him feel guilty now. Yet at the time he'd seen it as the only way out.

"How did you get pregnant?"

He started playing with his hand and answered, "Dr Norwood murdered Abigail Stern for her uterus and implanted it inside of me. At first I thought I got pregnant when he raped me..." he added letting the tears fall down his cheeks. "Only yesterday I discovered he wanked me before the operation and inserted that sperm inside of me to make damn well sure that I was pregnant."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Angry and violated. Dirty, shameful. Like it was all my fault. Like I should have tried harder to put a stop to it."

"Aaron, none of this was your fault. It's usual to feel like this but you have nothing to blame yourself for. Yes you were violated and you should be angry about that but you are not dirty and shameful. You couldn't help any of this happening. Like you said you were strapped down. There was no way you could prevent any of what happened to you..." He nodded continuing to play with his hands. "Aaron, no-one but you thinks you are dirty and shameful. Not even young Agent Reid."

Aaron looked up in surprise. How did she know about his feelings for Spencer? He hadn't breathed a word. How could she tell that it was Spencer he loved? She hadn't even seen the two of them together. He shook his head sure he'd heard things.

"After you became pregnant what happened?"

"He treated me like a puppet. Once I lost the will to fight I was set free but I was too broken to disobey him. He wouldn't let me do anything for myself. He'd wash me, dress me even tell me when to wake up and when to go to sleep. I had to eat what he provided me and drink whatever he provided me. I was never allowed to choose for myself. I was also made to take a walk every day in the woods just outside the house. I was never allowed to see civilisation. I was also made to wait on him hand and foot and whenever he felt the urge I was made to drop my knickers for him," he replied closing his eyes briefly trying to bite back the tears even further. "Also he kept telling me once I'd had the baby he was going to show me off to the scientific world as his greatest creation."

"How did that make you feel?" she asked.

"Numb, hopeless, like I wasn't even human. Like I didn't have a hope. The only thing pulling me through was my baby. I wanted to escape for the both of us but I felt helpless and I couldn't work out how without hurting her..."

"How did you manage to get away?"

He looked up with tears in his eyes. "One day Agents Rossi and Reid came to interview Dr Norwood about the latest case they were working on. Apparently he'd been taking other men and forcing them to go through sex changes then murdering them. I was the lucky one apparently..."

"Do you feel like you're the lucky one?"

"Compared to them maybe but I'm still not me. I've gone through all this surgery but I'm still not me..."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not the man I used to be. I know I may never get him back but I want to feel a bit more confident in myself and a little less scared of everybody. It's not going to help me when I go back to work. I can't suspect everyone of being an UnSub."

"An UnSub?"

"Unknown Subject. It's what we call a serial criminal suspect."

She nodded. "Let's go back to the night you got away. What happened when Agents Rossi and Reid came to interview Dr Norwood?"

He filled her in on what happened while trying to bite back the tears and the anger. As he recalled that night the anger he felt at how publicly he'd been mocked and humiliated as in front of his agents while he'd had to live with the damage Norwood had done to his body. Yes the mutilation had been reversed but it still angered him and upset him what Norwood had done to him. He'd basically stripped him of his manhood and stolen his identity from him and only now was he trying to reclaim it.

She looked down at her watch and smiled gently, "That's enough for today's session. We'll pick up where we left off tomorrow but Aaron I think you should really reconsider your relationship with Agent Reid. I don't believe it's as hopeless as you believe it is. I don't believe that young man would have stayed by your side constantly, rushed to catch you or recognised your eyes quite so well if he wasn't head over heels in love with you."


	13. Home

**Home**

It was a week later and much to Aaron's relief he was finally being allowed home. He still hadn't made a move to confess his love to Spencer. No matter what the therapist had told him he couldn't get himself to believe that maybe just maybe he returned those feelings. He'd taken closer attention to his actions but he couldn't see anything more than friendship. Did he really love him and he was blind to it or were people mistaken?

He was too scared to make the first move and also he didn't feel ready. He hadn't had a relationship in years unless you counted Norwood but he was more of his captive than anything. He wanted to be independent and wasn't ready to show his body off to anyone not even the man he loved. He knew he'd be a mass of scars and though he could urinate for himself now his penis hadn't yet erected.

Who would want a boyfriend who couldn't get an erection? It would get them down over time. It would make them worry about whether they would ever be able to turn him on. Though he really hoped one day he would be able to get an erection again he didn't want that for Spencer. He didn't want Spencer worrying about whether he'd ever be able to produce an erection from Aaron or whether he was sexually attracted to him.

Spencer saw Aaron was looking down and the tears were forming in the corners of his eyes. Feeling his chest clench and his heart sink he placed his hand on his arm. Biting back the wish to call him an affectionate name he gently shook his arm making Aaron's eyes look at him. He wanted to bite back even further knowing how much he loved those eyes and how hopeless it was. There was no way in hell Aaron loved him as much as he loved Aaron. Aaron was straight, wasn't he? He'd only ever seen him with women.

"Aaron, what is it? What's upsetting you?" he asked gently trying to bite back the tears. It killed him to see the man he adored in such pain. He'd been so looking forward to going home and recovering so well in all areas. What had upset him? Aaron just shook him off which only hurt him more. "Aaron, please tell me."

He was scared how Spencer would respond but he knew he had to. If Spencer did in fact love him didn't he deserve to be told he loved him too. Didn't he deserve to choose? He knew he wasn't ready to have a relationship but didn't Spencer deserve to choose if there was a glimmer of hope.

"I can't lose you..." Aaron answered with tears threatening to come up.

"Aaron, what are you talking about? You'll never lose me. I'm never leaving your side. I'm even going home with you to help you," he answered gently wondering where all this was coming from.

"I'm scared," he answered vulnerably while a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Scared of what?"

"I love you." he answered emotionally while Spencer's eyes opened wide. Had he really heard the three words he'd really wanted to hear? Did Aaron really love him the way he loved Aaron? "I'm in love with you..."

Feeling his heart lift and hope flood into him Spencer took Aaron's hands into his and replied gently, "Why did you never tell me?"

Aaron nervously looked into his eyes and what he saw there took him aback but at the same time lifted his heart. "You love me?" he asked in disbelief.

"Always have," Spencer answered gently kissing his forehead while Aaron sunk closer to him. Tears then came back into Aaron's eyes as he remembered the problems he was having and withdrew himself. He could see the pain in Spencer's eyes but this was for the best. He deserved so much better.

"I don't want you to have to wait...What if I never get a...again?" he answered looking down feeling embarrassed and ashamed. He'd tried so hard to get an erection with his new penis but so far nothing. He'd even tried to get himself excited when they were out of the room and his daughter was asleep but nothing had happened. He'd heard other women into men transsexuals had had a problem with constant erections once they'd made the switch but his was doing nothing.

Spencer looked up at Dave and nodded. Dave picked up Abby and left the room allowing them to have time alone. Spencer then turned back to the man he loved. "Aaron, it will. Trust me it will function fully again. Right now it's too scared to but trust me it will. Your body's just psychologically scared but it will work. I don't mind waiting until then. I've waited a year already; I don't mind waiting longer. I love you, Aaron, always have always will."

"I love you but I'm not ready yet," Aaron answered vulnerably. He knew he wanted to be in a relationship with Spencer eventually but he also wanted to prove to himself he didn't need to rely on him; that he could be his own man. He wanted to prove to himself after so many months in captivity he could be independent. He didn't want to become possessive, needy or overprotective. He needed some time to himself before he decided what he really wanted in life even though he knew his heart was Spencer's.

"I understand and you know I'll wait. Anything you need I'm here for you," Spencer smiled gently. He was just so ecstatic that a future with Aaron was on the cards. He just couldn't believe his luck; the man he was in love was in love with him too.

Aaron smiled back at him thankful he understood.

Soon Dave came back in holding Abby while the doctor walked behind him with an open wheelchair. Aaron rolled his eyes as soon as he saw it. He was glad it was finally time to go home and live life as himself finally but he was not leaving in that. He could walk out himself thank you very much. He had legs and they were fully functional.

"I am not getting into that," he groaned.

"Aaron, you know it's hospital procedure," Dave explained rolling his eyes at his best friend's stubbornness. "It's only to the car."

"You can hold Abby while I push," Spencer offered.

"Fine," Aaron smiled rolling his eyes. He had to admit he quite liked the idea of being pushed out by his future boyfriend cradling his youngest child in his arms. Every time he saw her it brightened his day and she never failed to make him smile. She was definitely the blessing from hell.

He proceeded to get up and place himself in the wheelchair. He'd already changed into his own clothes that morning which his former sister-in-law had brought for him the night before. He then placed his feet on the foot rest and held his arms out for his baby daughter. Dave placed Abby gently into her father's arms and Aaron smiled down still in wonder that this was his little girl; that he in fact had given birth to her.

Spencer went behind them and wheeled them out to the waiting cab. Once there they got them all in and gave the wheelchair back to the doctor much to Aaron's relief. He was so thankful he'd get to be able to use his legs when he walked back into the home he'd bought just before he was taken. He'd bought it so his son could spend his teen years out of an apartment and actually have a garden to keep up his soccer training. Soccer had become one of Jack's biggest passions.

When they reached the house they got him out and he gulped a little. Even though he'd bought this house before he'd been taken they hadn't yet moved in. Jessica and the team had moved his and Jack's stuff in about a month later which had touched him. It had been his dream for his son to have a better life and more space to do what he wanted rather than the cramped flat and they'd made sure it had happened.

"Ready?" Spencer asked placing his arm on Aaron's after giving him his daughter.

"Ready," he smiled slightly as they headed down the path.

Suddenly his eleven year old son, having seen them arrive behind the curtain ran out and up to them with Jessica watching smiling from the doorway as Aaron placed his hand on Jack's shoulder smiling down at him. "You're home now, dad," he exclaimed.

"Yes I am, buddy," he smiled back leading them down the pathway while Dave smiled watching the family. Though they may have decided not to get together just yet he knew now they'd confessed their feelings to each other they were the happiest family he'd seen in a long time. They were perfect together and every inch a family.

Jack turned round and looked at him puzzled at the soft expression on Uncle Dave's face. "Coming, Uncle Dave?" he asked.

"Coming buddy," he smiled following them in.


	14. Work

**Work**

It had been three months now. Three months since they'd found him. Three months since he'd left the hospital and come home. Now he was getting ready to go back to work and get the last thing back on track to live his life the way he had before. It was time to return to his job.

He was nervous but he knew he had to do this. He wanted his job back and this was the last piece in reclaiming his life back. He was Aaron Hotchner, Unit Chief of the BAU and today he'd finally be that man again. It was about time too. Everyone was thankful he was finally coming back and had been cleared for both duty and the field.

He'd finished seeing his therapist only a couple of weeks ago though she wanted a few more sessions to see how he was settling back in. He'd rolled his eyes at that but agreed he'd call her if he felt he needed to speak to her again. He didn't believe he would though he was thankful for all the help she'd given him. He felt a lot like himself again and she'd contributed to that.

Abby was developing really well which always made him smile. Every day he went to wake her up he would often find Jack sitting on the floor cross-legged just smiling at her. Jack absolutely adored being a big brother and Abby couldn't get enough of him. She always smiled at each member of her family but definitely had a special smile for her brother and her father. The way Jack was so gentle with her lifted Aaron's heart every time .

When Spencer informed him the team had had a tough case he'd usually try and bring the kids in to cheer them up remembering just how baby Henry then much later baby Michael had always managed to help them. Spencer still lived with them even though they hadn't yet made a step forward in their relationship. It was still currently at a standstill. Aaron was trying to work up the courage to be ready for a new relationship and was so grateful Spencer was waiting for that moment.

He stood in front of the mirror in his bedroom adjusting his tie nervously. He was back in one of his old suits and though he felt the most like him than he had recently he was incredibly nervous. He hadn't worked in just over a year. Had there been any developments in the job since then? Had there been any changes he had to reacquaint himself to? What about all the cases that had taken place in his absence? There was so much he had to make himself aware of.

Suddenly he heard a knock on the door and tore himself away from his thoughts to see Spencer in the doorway. He smiled slightly though the nerves were still apparent on his face. Spencer stepped in and placed his hand on Aaron's arm assuring him everything was going to be alright and that everyone was just as anxious to have him back. He just nodded and smiled back at him thankful for his support.

"Jessica's already downstairs," Spencer informed him. Aaron just smiled so thankful that Jessica had agreed to care for Abby during the day. With her now working at home she was able to keep an eye on his daughter while he was at work. "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," he replied actually looking at him for the first time rather than in through the mirror.

They both headed downstairs to see Jack already prepared for school and Jessica holding his three month old sister. Jack, much to Aaron's relief, had become a lot easier to get ready for school in the past three months and even eager. All he had left to do was put his shoes and coat on. Even his lunch-box was already in his bag along with his school books.

Jack ran up to him immediately while Jessica smiled at them. "Good luck, dad," he beamed up at him. "You're doing to do just as great as always. You're the best there is."

"Thanks buddy," he smiled back down at him kissing the top of his head.

"Love you, dad."

"Love you too,buddy."

Jessica then handed Abby over to her father who held her gently in his arms. He stroked two fingers over the hairs on the top of her head smiling down at her while she looked back up at him with her beautiful, brown eyes. She moved closer to his fingers as the stroking calmed her.

"I love you, princess," he smiled down at her kissing her forehead. "Daddy's got to go to work today but will hopefully be home soon. Until then Auntie Jessica and Jack will be looking after you. Remember to be a good girl for them and that daddy loves you."

She smiled up at him and then he handed her back to her aunt picking up his briefcase. Leaving with Spencer and locking the door he heard the sound that pierced right through his heart and almost broke through the armour he'd put back on that morning. He was about to go back in when Spencer laid his hand on his arm.

"Aaron, she's safe..." he assured him.

"But she's crying," he answered concerned.

Spencer placed his hands on Aaron's arms and repeated, "Aaron, she's safe. She's with Jessica and you know she'll take just as good care of her as she has Jack."

Aaron nodded hearing her tears stop but looked up at him vulnerably. "I know, it's just..."

"Aaron, I understand. I know it's hard..." Spencer looked down and added, "I know they're not my kids but it was hard for me too when I went back to work."

Aaron placed his hands on Spencer's face and answered, "They will be."

Spencer just smiled slightly but knew Aaron still wasn't ready. He hoped he would be soon though. "Let's get to work."

He just nodded and they got in the car heading to the BAU. Once they got there they showed their badges and rode the elevator up to the bullpen. Though he was nervous he felt, taking a deep breath, it was so good to be back.

Suddenly he heard someone say, "Welcome back, trannie."


	15. Carter

**Carter**

He turned to the side of him disbelieving what he'd just heard. Had he just heard himself being referred to as a trannie? Surely he was imagining things, wasn't he? No-one knew about what he'd gone through, did they? Only his team knew what he'd been forced to go through and he trusted each and every one of them they'd kept it confidential. They knew how much he wanted not to be reminded of his time as Anna.

He saw a much younger agent standing there sneering at him. He quickly recognised him as Agent Jarvis Carter, a young agent in the fraud department. "What did you call me?" he asked glaring at him.

"Anna? Isn't that your name?" he sneered trying to pretend to be all innocent. The blood began boiling in Aaron's veins and his nostrils flared as he glared even harder into the younger agent almost like he could disintegrate him there on the spot just through the power of his eyes. Where the hell had he heard that name? He knew for certain his team wouldn't have betrayed him. Oh god, had he been in cahoots with Norwood?

"Where did you hear that name?" he asked steely trying to keep his emotions in check. There was no way he could show this man that he'd gained a rise out of him. There was no way he could let this guy win. He'd only relish in the fact he'd manage to affect him and knock him off balance on his day back.

"Where do you think?" he answered glaring back at him confirming Aaron's worst fears. "How do you think he knew where to find you?" he teased seething through his teeth.

Aaron wouldn't let him throw himself off. He wasn't going to let this guy win but he needed to know his involvement and gather some evidence against him to prove he was involved in his kidnap. He'd make him pay for his part in what he'd done he thought as the blood boiled in his veins. He had to get him reprimanded for his part in what he'd done.

He knew someone that could help him get that evidence. He headed down there while he heard Agent Carter still taunting him about his kidnap and time as Anna. The blood carried on boiling in his veins as well as the tears in his eyes that he tried desperately to bite back. He also tried to take deep breaths as he felt it all come crashing down on him again. He tried to shake off all the flashbacks as they came back with full vengeance in full technicolor.

When he got to her lair he knocked on the door but didn't get an answer. He knocked again and still no answer. Where was she? Oh god, where was she when he needed her! He tried to hold onto his composure even further but with every minute he stood there waiting for him he could feel it slipping.

Suddenly he heard heels clicking down the corridor and looked up to see her running down the hall carrying a tray of cupcakes. He smiled a little seeing the cupcakes but he still tried to stop the panic inside of him. He hadn't wanted to admit it but Jarvis Carter had removed the floor underneath him. Until now he thought he'd gotten over and moved on from Norwood but all it had taken was for that damn agent to call him trannie and Anna to put him right back there.

When she saw the state he was in she tried to run even harder in her heels. When she reached him she placed one hand on his arm and asked concerned, "Bossman, are you alright?"

"I need you to do something for me," he replied trying even harder to maintain his composure. This certainly wasn't how he'd imagine his first day back at work.

"Anything. You know that."

He nodded and looked around nervously hoping to God Carter hadn't followed him. There was no way he could let him see him like this or even for the rumours to start going around the FBI about what he'd really suffered. He had to act like it was water of his back and that none of it had happened. He didn't know what he'd do if it all came out. He didn't want the whispers behind his back. He didn't want to be the laughing stock of Quantico.

"Can we go in?" he asked a little nervously.

Becoming increasingly concerned and protective she ushered him in. She could see someone had clearly unsettled him and whoever had was going to pay. No-one hurt or upset her babies without going through her. She'd get to the bottom of this and then if permitted she was going to have her fun with whoever it was that had left her recently recovered boss so shaken.

Trying to regain control he commanded, "I need you to look into if Agent Jarvis Carter had any form of contact with Dr Stephen Norwood." Even now saying his name made him shudder.

Hearing the name of her boss' captor she looked stunned and even more worried. She understood now why he was so shaken but Norwood was dead now. There was no way he could hurt him again, was there? "Sir, what happened?" she asked concerned.

"Please can you just look into this for me," he replied vulnerably.

She nodded and looked back to the screens typing in and hacking into whatever she could for him. Within minutes she sat back and gasped blinking at what she saw on the screen. She just couldn't believe what she was seeing but it was all there played out in front of her. Email after email sent between Agent Carter and Dr Norwood. At the beginning they'd been planning Hotch's kidnap but even after they'd pulled it off Norwood had still been sending him emails about all the things he'd been doing to Aaron as he continued his experiment. It was so disturbing especially the fact that Norwood had even photographed everything and emailed it to , who turned out to be his nephew, Agent Carter.

"What is it?" Aaron asked nervously turning to look at the screen from the chair he'd sunk into only a few minutes before.

She turned round to him and looked at him shell-shocked causing him even further to try and look at the screens. She tried to prevent him knowing just how much it would affect him. "No, Bossman, you really shouldn't see this," she protested. There was no way she could let him go back to that dark place.

Seeing what was on the screen he fell back in his chair with a mix of emotions racing through him. He wanted to scream in anger and pain as both emotions ripped right through him. He suddenly found it hard to breathe and tried to calm his breaths as he saw how scared he was making his technical analyst. How could they? How could they do this to someone let alone him? He felt the tears fill his eyes as he stubbornly tried to shake them back. He felt like he was falling down the hole again.

He tried to shake off the image of Norwood laughing at him. No! No, he wouldn't let him have the last laugh! No, he would never let them win! He tried to take in another breath steadying his erratic heartbeats. He closed his eyes briefly trying to blink back the tears and answered, "I need the director to see this."

Suddenly he felt someone's hands placed on his shoulders and he jumped away from them. He turned round nervously but to his relief it was only Dave who must have silently slipped in. He tried to steady his breathing again but he couldn't stop how vulnerable he currently felt. After finally feeling like he was ready to work again it had just taken this discovery to find himself struggling again.

"I'll take this to the director..." Seeing Aaron's eyes widen he placed his hand on his arm again gently and added, "Trust me, I'll make sure this all stays confidential. Just like I did when you were in the hospital..." He nodded relieved. "You're in no fit state to do it yourself..." He turned to leave then added, "I'll send Spencer in."

He smiled slightly trying to recover his composure again. He was so thankful that even after everything that had happened to him his team was still there and not just as a team but also as the family they'd always been. He was also incredibly grateful they also seemed to be happy and supportive of his potential relationship with Spencer.

Garcia was happy to see he'd calmed down a little and asked offering him one of the cupcakes, "Cupcake, sir? I know you don't like to be fussed over but I also know you have a sweet tooth so I made them for you to celebrate you coming back."

"Thank you, Garcia," he smiled back a little more taking it off her and peeling the case back to take a bite.


	16. Motive

**Motive**

Suddenly the door opened some time later and Spencer walked in. He was relieved to see Aaron looked somewhat happier but he could also see passed that front. He could see Aaron was inwardly shaking with both fear and anger. He could also see the tracks where the man he loved had been crying. It killed him to see his man so vulnerable and shaken.

He felt so guilty he'd just left him out there and carried on to his bullpen but he hadn't noticed he wasn't with him until it was too late. He hadn't heard Carter use that slur against his man. He felt even guiltier that he hadn't and hadn't fought for his man. If he had would Aaron be in the state he was in right now.

The moment he'd realised something wasn't right he'd run out to find Rossi having a stern word with some agent from fraud who was constantly taunting things about the man Spencer loved. He tried hard to fight a gasp and the urge to punch the guy when he heard him refer to Hotch as Anna. Fire had consumed inside of him and he'd had to fight back against the fists that were forming. How dare he bring all that up again after Aaron had just begun to feel safe to come back to work? How did he know all this anyway?

Rossi had turned to see him and nodded. After he'd been assured Rossi had it under control he'd gone looking for his potential lover. He'd been in the toilets when Rossi had found him and informed him of everything that was going on. When he'd discovered just what the agent had done he'd wanted to smash the mirror behind him. He wasn't usually an angry man but when someone hurt the one he loved or his kids he just couldn't help himself.

Rossi had just assured him that Agent Carter was not going to get away with this. He'd informed him he was on his way to speak to the director but Aaron needed support right now. That the one thing he needed from Spencer was right now was for him to be there for him. That he just needed all this to go away and Spencer's love and support. He'd just nodded and headed to Garcia's lair after Rossi had told him Aaron was there.

He could see how much what had recently transpired had shaken up his man but he was glad Garcia had been there in his stead. Garcia could brighten up anyone's darkest day or even any day. She was like a breath of fresh air and the best friend anyone could have in the adverse times.

Aaron looked up at him then bashfully looked away again. He wasn't any good for him. He was so thankful for all the support and help he'd given him since he came out of the hospital but he was simply not worth Spencer. Spencer deserved so much more. He didn't deserve this man for his boyfriend; this wreck.

Garcia shared a look between the two of them then said, "Um, I'll just leave you two alone for a minute. Don't worry about privacy, I've already disabled the security cameras in here."

Spencer nodded grateful while Garcia loitered a little then left waiting just outside her door. Spencer meanwhile got on his knee in front of his older love and took his hands looking into his eyes lovingly. It killed him to see all that pain and insecurity back in his beautiful, deep, brown eyes and he placed one of his hands on Aaron's cheek thankful he never tried to remove his head from it.

"Aaron, don't even go there," Spencer said gently but firmly. "I love you and you are worth so much. You deserve to be happy and I know that you love me, too. You're the victim here but they can never hurt you again. Norwood's dead, you made sure of that. Carter isn't going to get away with this either. Dave's going to make sure of that..."

Aaron nodded finally looking up at him vulnerably. What had he ever done to deserve such a wonderful man by his side? What had he ever done to deserve this man's love? "Why?" he asked quietly. "Why did he do this to me? I know Norwood wanted me for his experiment but why did Carter help him? What did I ever do to him? Why would he risk his career just to do this to me?"

"I don't know but shall I get Garcia to come in and help us find out," he answered gently. In response Aaron nodded so Garcia rushed back in and back onto her computers.

"You want me to find out his motive, bossman?" she asked a little concerned. He nodded so she started her search. Within minutes she found the answer and shook her head in anger. Apparently he'd tried to transfer to the BAU a matter of four times over the last few years. First when JJ had been transferred out then again when Emily had left then subsequently when Blake and Kate had both left. Obviously each time he'd been denied. It made her sick to the stomach that he'd felt Hotch not finding him the right fit for his team was enough to justify his actions. Hotch never discriminated against or picked agents because he preferred them. He always hand-picked the ones that he believed would fit in with the team and had the skills needed for the job.

"What is it?" Aaron asked nervously. "Why did he do it?" She was unsure how to tell him and his nerves kept building up until he couldn't take it anymore so he turned to look at the screens again. Once again Garcia tried to prevent him but knew it was too late when he sunk back into the chair with his hand over his mouth and tears in his eyes.

He sat there shaking his head trying to brush off the tears. No, no, no! This was all his fault! If only! If only he'd allowed him to join the BAU but he hadn't believed him suitable for the position! If only he'd allowed him to transfer none of this would have happened!

Spencer got down in front of him again and holding his hands answered, "Aaron, none of this is your fault. Anyone who knows you knows you don't discriminate against anyone trying to join our team or that you give anyone preferential treatment. You always pick the agents with the skills that you believe will fit into our team, our family and you've always picked the perfect one. If you had let him join the team we'd have had a psychopath in it. That's what he is, Aaron. We've dealt with enough of them to be able to tell. You really have nothing here to be guilty about . You're the victim. You never deserved any of it."

He looked up at him vulnerably. He knew he was right but he couldn't shake off the guilt. "I know..." he replied looking down.

"Aaron, listen to me," Spencer answered placing his hands on the man he loved's cheeks. "You are in no way to blame for any of this. Just because he wasn't able to get into the BAU doesn't mean he had any right to kidnap the Unit Chief and mess around with his body," he spat. "You're the victim here and he'll get what's coming to him."

He nodded and suddenly Rossi and Morgan came running in. Rossi looked a bit triumphant while Morgan looked a little shell-shocked and guilty. Garcia got up and went straight to her chocolate thunder stroking his arm comfortingly.

"What happened? What is it?" Aaron asked nervously.

"I'm so sorry, man, I'm so sorry," Morgan replied. "Rossi told me to get Carter as the director wanted to talk to him but before I could Carter made a run for it..." He then looked down and added, "He got hit by a car. He's dead man. He was killed on impact."

Aaron looked down then back up again and smiled slightly, "It's fine. Least there won't be a case." Even though there hadn't been a court case or had Carter been sentenced it felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. While Dave had gone to inform the director of what Carter had done Aaron had been fretting about the prospect of a court case and having to come out about everything that had happened to him during his time as a hostage. At least this way it could all still be kept secret and out of the public eye.

Spencer smiled slightly that his potential lover had seen the silver lining in all this. He was right that due to Carter's death none of this would have to come out in court or in the public eye. That was the last thing his poor love needed. It would have killed him to have had to talk about it at the stand. Also he'd informed Spencer of his nightmare one night when he'd found it hard to sleep. He knew if it all came out in the public eye part of it would have come true. The reporters would have swarmed all over him.

"Bossman, would you like me to delete all these emails and photos? I've already checked no-one else has seen them or laid their hands on them," Garcia piped up.

He nodded and with a click all evidence, apart from his scars and his precious daughter, had been erased of everything he'd been through. He'd already burned the notebook a couple of months back and delighted in watching it burn. Anna Hill was just a past memory and hopefully one day would be a forgotten nightmare.


	17. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

It was Christmas Day and everyone was over at Aaron's house to celebrate. They usually celebrated at Dave's but because this was their first Christmas as a reunited family and Abby was only six months old they'd decided to celebrate it at his new house. Garcia had announced they could christen the house this way now that everybody who should be living in it was living in it.

They'd all chipped in to help out even though Aaron had refused help at the beginning. They'd managed to eventually wear him down by saying it was for the children. They'd pointed out they only wanted to make sure Jack had a great Christmas with his dad since he'd missed out on one last year and they wanted to make a great first Christmas for little Abby.

The whole team had gone out a week before Christmas to buy the Christmas tree and once Jack and Henry had picked the one they liked best along with Michael's help they'd placed it in Aaron's living room. They'd all taken a turn with decorating the tree along with the children. Jack had been a little upset when Spencer picked up Michael and helped him put the star on the top but had been assured that Abby would get the chance to do it next year. It was just currently she was too young to do so even with their dad's help.

That had been evidenced only a moment later when Abby had tried to eat some tinsel. Before Aaron had even been able to control the situation Jack had swooped in and gently taken it out of her mouth informing her tinsel wasn't for eating and provided her her pacifier instead. It had brought tears to his eyes how devoted and good his son was with his baby sister despite the circumstances of her birth.

He woke up in his lonely bed once again. Even though it had been yet again another three months he still hadn't made a move with the love of his life. His penis still wasn't erecting and though he felt more and more confident as a boss, agent and father he wasn't yet confident about his love life. He was thankful though that Spencer had never strayed from his side but he felt guilty that he was still making him wait. He decided today was the day. He was going to make a move. He didn't know when but it was going to be today. He was going to buck up his courage and finally claim the man he loved as his.

He threw on one of his t-shirts and a pair of shorts then headed downstairs. He couldn't stop smiling when he got down there as he saw stocking fillers in a mess over the sofa and an empty stocking with ripped wrapping paper while his daughter was in her high chair and Dave was making pancakes while his son kept looking in the pan and asking if he could have chocolate bars on his instead of his usual chocolate sauce. Dave had stayed the night insisting he was going to make the food so that Aaron and Spencer could spend more time with the team and their children making sure they had a memorable Christmas.

"Buddy, haven't we forgotten something," he piped up looking between the sofa and his eleven year old son.

Jack looked down at his feet then back up and added, "Sorry dad," then ran over to tidy up his mess while his dad smiled watching him.

"Enjoy it while it lasts, Aaron. He'll be a teenager soon enough," Dave said looking up from the pancakes smiling at father and son.

"Don't scare me," Aaron muttered under his breath.

"Least with him you won't have to deal with periods."

Spencer came in dressed the same as Aaron and answered wiping the sleep out of his eyes, "Sometimes periods can even start when girls are ten."

"Just for that comment you'll be the one buying the pads," Aaron replied raising his eyebrow causing Spencer to look like he'd been caught in the headlights. Aaron then stepped over swallowing the lump in his throat and added touching Spencer's jaw gently, "Honey, close your mouth; you're catching flies."

Spencer watched him with his eyes open wide but also his heart soaring as Aaron headed over to feed his baby daughter her breakfast. Spencer swallowed the lump in his throat while Aaron looked back and smiled lovingly at him. Maybe what his heart was telling him was true. Maybe Aaron was finally trying to make the first steps to making their relationship an actual relationship.

A few hours later everyone was over to celebrate with them. JJ and Will had been over first with their two boys then the others had followed almost all together. In total there was fourteen of them and Dave had bought them a larger table just to fit them all in for the occasion. Members of the team also decided to help him with certain parts of the cooking but he wouldn't let them do the most part insisting they should be out with the children. After all there were four children to be entertained and one of them had taken up trying to eat tinsel.

They soon all laid the table together for all fourteen of them. They made sure Aaron and Spencer were at the top of the table along with Jack and Abby. They placed Abby's high-chair near their chairs so Aaron could feed her her dinner. She only really let her father feed her or do anything with her though at times she let her brother and 'stepdad'. She was definitely a daddy's girl.

The girls and Dave placed all the food on the table along with Spencer while Aaron tried to get the tinsel out of his daughter's little fingers. He had to shake his head at her new taste for tinsel. As soon as she'd turned six months she'd seemed to like putting in her mouth anything she'd found lying around her. They'd had to be even more diligent about what was lying on the floor especially when she was in the room.

"How did she get this anyway?" he asked taking it gently from her mouth.

"Sorry, Uncle Aaron," Henry answered looking down. "I accidentally knocked some down and forgot Abby likes trying to eat it. When Jack reminded me it was too late she already had it."

"It's fine, Henry, it was just an accident..." he assured him.

"Remember Abby's only like Michael was when he was six months old," JJ said smoothing down her eldest son's hair. He nodded and she kissed the top of his head.

"No harm done," Aaron smiled back at him causing him to smile back.

Later all the food was on the table and Dave got up to toast clinking his glass. Everyone looked up as he added, "Even though it's not my house I'd like to make a toast. This year we got two of the biggest blessings; one being the rescue and reunion of one of our own and our newest addition to the family, Abby. We managed to save and rescue our Unit Chief and dear friend and thankfully he came back to us a happier man. To family..."

"To family," they all chorused clinking each other's glasses.

They then all dived into the glorious feast Dave had set up for them all. He'd cooked them Christmas turkey with all the trimmings and each one of them took a generous, healthy amount. Dave revelled in how much was eaten and how delicious everyone said it was. He just replied it was just how his Mama had cooked it.

Once Aaron had finished his he took the bowl of blended Christmas dinner Dave had made for him to give Abby so she wouldn't miss out on her first Christmas dinner even if she couldn't eat proper food yet. He wasn't eternally grateful that he'd done this for his baby girl and smiled as she ate it happily without spitting it back out. Thankfully she hadn't spat much food out since he'd started her on the baby food.

As he fed his little girl and she smiled smacking her lips each time she had a bite he could feel eyes on him. He looked over to see his younger love watching him with eyes full of love and devotion. He smiled back at him lovingly making Spencer's smile widen even further.

Soon enough they'd unwrapped all their presents with the family around their living room couch. The kids had gone first as they were the most excited and the team just enjoyed sitting back and watching them open their presents full of all the Christmas excitement. Aaron had opened all the ones for Abby and thanked each and every one of them for all the presents she got.

After a few more hours the others headed for home. Dave was the last one to do so after packing all his stuff up and placing it in the car. Before he left though he placed his hand on Aaron's arm making him look at him.

"I've seen the smiles between you and Spencer today. I know what you feel for each other. Do something about it," he said firmly.

"I'm planning to," he smiled back kicking his feet.

"Good. It's about time," Rossi smiled back clapping his arm then turned and left.

After they put the kids to bed Aaron noticed there was mistletoe still up and smiled. He scanned the room to see where the man he loved was. He saw he was just coming down the stairs so he went over to the mantelpiece where the mistletoe was and started fiddling with the trinkets they had on top of it hoping Spencer would come over soon. He didn't want to be too obvious but the mistletoe was the perfect excuse to kiss the man he loved with all his heart.

Spencer's eyebrow furrowed as he saw his potential love fiddling with the trinkets on their mantelpiece. Was something wrong? Had something upset him? He thought they'd managed to have a great Christmas but Aaron didn't look so happy. While his back was turned had something happened?

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked gently.

Suddenly he was taken by surprise as Aaron's lips crashed against his in nervous want, anticipation and passion. Aaron brought his hands up and placed them gently on Spencer's face as the passion grew inside of him. As Spencer soon joined in kissing him back with the same passion butterflies flew round their stomachs and tingles ran down their spines. They just couldn't get enough of each other now they were finally having their first kiss.

"Wow, what was that for?" Spencer smiled while tints of red appeared in his cheeks.

"For being you. For always being here for me. For having waited so patiently for me. For everything you've done. Mostly and simply because I love you," Aaron replied nervously. He'd never found it easy to talk about emotions or depending on anyone else. It had just been the way he'd been brought up. His mother had always told him emotions were weakness and they never led anywhere good. In fact when he'd show any emotion he usually got a whack. He felt tears rising when he remembered how his family had taken his sexuality.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked concerned as Aaron turned away from him. "Aaron, please tell me. Please don't shut me out again," he added placing his hand on Aaron's shoulder.

"I wasn't scared just because of what Norwood did to me. I was fifteen when I first realised I fell in love with boys as well as girls. I started dating another boy in my class..." Tears filled his eyes and a lump formed in his throat. "My mother found out and beat me declaring she was beating out my sins. She tried to prevent me from seeing him and even got him expelled from the school. She even tried locking me in my room after school but I'd sneak out just to see him. Whenever my mum would find out she'd just hit me and she'd never look me in the eye. If my aunt hadn't intervened I know she'd have sent me to a gay cure farm..." He looked back up again with tears threatening to roll down his cheeks from the pain he'd kept inside all these years. "I was only welcomed back into the family a year later when I got together with Haley but I knew it was all superficial and conditional. I vowed I would never treat any of my children like that. That's why I couldn't go myself to close that farm a few years ago. It would have broken me. I'd almost been one of them."

Spencer couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could his man's mother have been so cruel? He'd known his lover had come from a high class world of superficiality but how could a mother be so cruel to treat her eldest son like that? So many people thought his lover was an emotionless man but he knew under all that that he was a vulnerable, sweet man whose heart beat a thousand different emotions. He just wore the other face as an armour so no-one could ever hurt him again but Spencer knew he felt things deeply.

There had been so much pain in Aaron's life and Spencer just wanted to wash it away. All he could do though was be there for him and provide him with a happier future he thought as he wrapped his arms around his older lover and held him close to him while Aaron let the tears roll.

He kissed his hair and answered, "Oh Aaron, I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again. You never deserved any of that. I'll never leave you and will always be here for you. It's alright to feel like that. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. No-one should have treated you like that especially your mother. I wish I could erase all that pain from you..."

Suddenly Aaron pushed Spencer up against an empty space of wall and started kissing his neck saying, I'm sick and tired of my mother dictating how I should live my life. I'm not afraid of her anymore. I can get whatever I want and that includes you, Spencer Reid..." Just as he crashed his lips against Spencer's again he added, "I love you."

He then claimed his lips for his own again and ran his hands down Spencer's sides while Spencer kissed him back with just as much hunger. Aaron soon tried to take off Spencer's jumper feeling his manhood throbbing with passion. He was just so hungry for his lover that he seemed to forget the fact that this was the first time his penis had erected since his operation.

Suddenly Spencer stepped back and smiled as he saw exactly what he believed he'd been feeling against him. "Aaron," he beamed looking down at the mound trying to push out of Aaron's trousers.

Aaron looked down to see his penis was trying to force itself out of his flies and tears filled up his eyes again but this time it was tears full of joy. His worries and fears were all over. It was finally working completely in all areas.

Spencer smiled taking his hand and simply said, "I think we should go upstairs. To our room."

Aaron just smiled back letting him lead him up there.


End file.
